What would you say / do if your DH said....

[Genson]

... if you were on your own... well... you would be on your own.

Meaning, if I didn't have my kids, he would have left me.

What would you think / do?

Ask him wtf he means by that?? How do you feel about him?

some people live for children, I don't think he is the only man to think that, in some countries (where its legal) when the wife can't have children then the husband will get a second wife, and as its not legal in this country, I guess a man would just get a new wife...

But the OP has dc's though, unless I've read it wrong. Are they your DH's children, OP, or from a previous relationship?

To be honest, if I didn't have my kid I would have left my DH.

I wouldn't think or do anything in your situation, if I'm reading it right.

but when your DH actually says that to you.. does it mean he's going to actually bugger off once the dc's turn 18 or what? And what of your relationship in the meantime? A honest conversation is needed..

I would think he was implying that I was lucky to have him as no-one else would have me

My DH has said this sort of thing to me before; I just take it as an opportunity to remind him that it is HIM that is the lucky one .

May I refer you to this thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/893050-Being-single-is-ok-Bring-me-my-slippers

Then make yourself a list of what you would most enjoy about not being with him

stick it under his nose

and try not to blame the kids for keeping the miserable git in your life - it's not their fault he's their father.

Bumbleconfusus wtf are you saying?

"when the wife can't have children then the husband will get a second wife, and as its not legal in this country, I guess a man would just get a new wife... "!!!!!????!!!

Really?

Well if we'd just had an argument I would think he meant he would have been off long ago to avoid the aggro but for the kids. To be honest I think this if DH and myself. We are both stubborn and independent and if it were just the two us I would have told him to sling hook or vice versa. One of the things I love about him and why I forgive him his faults is because of the way he is with our dcs. If he was a disinterested or authoritarian parent I couldn't bear it.

I think it means either:

he feels unappreciated, so "If you were on your own, you would be on your own" therefore you would have to get on and do everything yourself so don't expect much of him maybe

Or

He's staying with you because of the dc

You could ask him, but if he is anything like mine he will have totally forgotten what he meant as soon as he said it

good luck

i suspect that there are an AWFUL lot of parents , mums and dads, who would have possibly left each other (if they are being totally honest with themselves) if they were childless and had therefore less to commit to -his only fault was in saying it out loud!

God that is a depressing notion anna

I would marry Dh again tomorrow after 20 years - and he would do the same.

If my partner was only there because of the children I would be making arrangements so that we could seperate after the children were old enough

My ex used to say that he would wait until my youngest turned 18 and then would be off and we had to stick it out till then. I would be in my fifties then, what a marvellous time to find oneself single having spent many years in a thoroughly miserable relationship. As attractive as that sounded I wasn't prepared to wait so gave him the old heave ho for that and many other reasons.