how do i tell my dp that he's starting to really squash me during sex where he's put on so much weight lately?

[juicychops]

my dp has been a bit over weight ever since we've been together. not morbidly, but a couple of stone over.

lately he's been under huge amounts of stress with work, his ex, kids, money etc and over the last 6-8 months has put on a lot of weight from eating takeaways and shit constantly where he's been working so much and not had time for proper meals

he doesn't live with me plus ive hardly seen him over the last few months because of his work so its not like i can have dinners and stuff prepared ready for him.

he must have put on a good couple of stone over the last 6 months. we used to have a very active sex life but now just squeeze it in where we can.

lately when we do and he's on top, he;s not doing anything different to how we always have, but where he's put on weight i feel like im being crushed and its so painful that at times i actually can not breathe. its been gradually getting worse but now its quite unbearable. im quite slim so not got much padding of my own to protect my ribs which at times feel like they will cave in any moment

the other day it actually made me gasp where he must have pushed the air out of me so hard that he paused for a moment but i just pretended it was a pleasurable gasp

i dont want to hurt his feelings but i need to say something. we do do other positions which arnt a problem be he knows that the me on my back position has always been my best so i cant just stop asking for that position

i have tried quite a few times at suggesting we do healthy eating together but he just says 'when my life's easier' or 'when im under less stress'.

i dont know how to approach the subject without upsetting and hurting him

Oooh, I don't think you can say it outright tbh. Maybe just avoid that position, and if he asks why say 'It's a bit too much pressure here' indicating thorax. He might get the message by himself. People have been talking on AIBU today about how difficult it is to approach talking about weight loss in the right way. If you make people feel bad about it (accidentally) it can make them worse.

thats what i really dont want to do. he's under enough stress as it is without worrying about what i think of his weight too. might try and find that thread...

anyone else got any advice? couldn't find that thread

There's one now called 'A weighty issue' on AIBU, people are talking about the psychological motivations behind eating too much. There was another one a few weeks ago called something like 'AIBU to be annoyed with DP's attitude to food and me in general' or something, but it turned into a bit of a bun fight after the first few pages.

I would have more advice if you were wanting to lose weight yourself, but it's so much harder to know how to communicate to other people that they need to lose weight.

thanks Brahms for replying

hopefully someone will have some more advice