Panicking about seeing ex

[PurplePixi]

Heyho all. It's my godsons christening on Sunday and I'm really looking forward to it apart from one thing: my ex will likely be there and at the pub afterwards with us.

My ex was emotionally abusive, would blackmail me into sleeping with him, threaten to kill himself if I left, wouldn't let me see my friends (and if I did he'd follow me), tried to stop me seeing my family by insisting that I stayed at his, etc. It was my first relationship and I thought that it was normal for guys to do that sort of thing (I was 17 and we were together for 18 months). I still have problems because of the way he treated me when we were together. I saw him three/fours months after I ended it with him and haven't seen him since (different towns and I've lived away from home for the past two years).

I'm getting really nervous about seeing him again now though to the point of panic. I've insisted that my [very lovely] boyfriend comes with me on Sunday for emotional support as the mother of my godson will be busy and I don't want to worry her whilst my other friend there insists that he's an awesome guy no matter how he treated me so won't be of much help (she insists on seeing the best in people which can be her downfall!)

I'm really worried about how I'll be able to face him knowing that he is the cause of my relationship and sex issues now and I'm also worried about how to handle being around him again just in general. I'm paranoid that it'll go shitly and I'll just end up pushing everybody away again and really am not looking forward to seeing this guy again. Up until recently I was paranoid about bumping into him, then I done a complete U-turn and thought that I'd be fine and now it's actually going to happen I've done a U-turn again!

People who've been in the same situation: did it go okay for you? Was it relatively okay facing them? Is there anything I can do to make it easier?

You might find it liberating to face him and survive!

I am sure more people with experience will be along shortly.

As Verin says, there is a good chance that you will find yourself feeling great afterwards, because seeing him again will show you that he is not what your memory made him out to be (some kind of monster with superpowers) just an ordinary tosser. If you;'re really lucky he might have had a dreadful haircut or be wearing something naff.
GOod idea to take your DP along for support, and bear in mind that there will be loads of other people there - if you run directly into the tosser, just smile cooly, say 'How are you?' and move on to talk to someone else. If he does try and make a pest of himself or bug you about your relationship, say sweetly 'It;s time to move on, isn't it.' and walk away.

I'd go for lots of visualisation beforehand - picture yourself (in as much detail as possible, so the outfit you'll be wearing etc) seeing him, being totally calm and detached from him, having a great time with your new bf. Imagine what you'd do if ex came over and started mouthing off (or whatever you think is the worst case scenario) - picture yourself calmly telling him that you don't need to be spoken to like that and will not tolerate it and walking away. If you need extra moral support, then collect all the best MN terms for people like him so that when you see him you can displace bad thoughts about your time with him with 'oh look, it's cocklodger'.

I'm feeling better already I think?! I've heard many things about him (people tend to gravitate towards telling me about him for some reason!) and they're never good. But he's still that person who very nearly ruined my life and that scares me because I'm scared that once I see him again I'll just turn back into my old self and everything I've changed and learnt will disappear again.

Cocklodger = brilliant.

I've been with my boyfriend for a year or so now and he's been a star; especially with the baggage that is left over from this ex.

I am trying to visulise the scenario now, I wish I had the guts to say half of the things I see myself saying to him!
I can't believe that it's been two years since I broke up with him.

I think the 'very nearly' bit is important - you were stronger and didnt let him ruin your life. You are also strong enough to cope with seeing him again.

Yes, that is a point I suppose! I'm hoping that there are neutral parties there, but the town they're from is very close knit and I go there very occasionally these days so I doubt it. But then most people think he's a freak, so hopefully they'll have my back should he try anything!

You won;'t crumble when you see him, you know. You're fully aware he's a knobber and he can't hurt you. Because you have moved on, you have a new life and a lovely DP - whatever he's got is his business. If he does start up, remember it will be him making an arse of himself, nearly everyone will think 'What a knob, showing himself up like that and making a scene at some poor kid's christening party, no wonder PurplePixi binned him, he;s got the social skills of rancid cheese...'

Thank you I really am feeling better about it already, very nervous but not so worried. As my Mum said to me earlier, my boyfiend has the looks and body of a model and is a body builder so those two facts alone will likely keep the chubby and balding (21yr old!) at bay come Sunday. I'm just trying to plan an outfit to top everything else in a classy and gorgeous way now.