Advice please. can't make this marriage work

[tooblindtoseeit]

Hello all, was hoping for some advice, especially from someone who may have been in or be in similar situation to me, its a long story so i'll try to make it as compact as I can. Myself and husband have been married for 14 years and together for 19. we have four children and are expecting another, not planned.
The problem is that in the past my husband had been physically and verbally abusive and this has caused us to split many times. We always seem to get back together whereby he promises to get help and inevitably never does.
The most recent problem has been that last year we were not living together but were together as a couple, he then went cold on me and said he wanted to end things. I was shocked as had not foreseen this. it transpired that he had been seeing someone else and I went through an awful time and didn,t handle it well, I let him come and go and was still having sex, now I see this was stupid but at the ti me I was heartbroken and just wanted him back.
We got together again in September after I said you get counselling or its over, he promised me he had started the proceedings, I believed it for a while but experience has taught me not to believe what he says, so I confronted him last week and he admitted he hadn't as doesn't think he needs it and I'm not so perfect. I accept that I'm not and I have had an affair in the past although not sexual, and this was because of the way my husband had been treating me, the guy was the polar opposite in personality.

Anyway last week he had one of his episodes again whereby he sulked for 3 days, and said some pretty nasty things to me. this is after telling me at new year that he was going to treat me right and that he really loved me so obviously I never know which side of him to believe. when he is on top form he is a diamond, he works hard, is good with the kids, helps around the house, but when he gets these black moods that are triggered ny anything minor, then he is horrible and I don't want him around.
I'm not scare of being a single parent, am quite prepared for this, just don't know what to do. do I stay for kids and try or do I leave him now and accept things won't change. any advice much Aappreciated.

no,you dont stay 'for the kids'...what will they learn about relationships? that its ok to be abusive.....

what violence has there been?
what 'help' did you expect him to get?

There has been 2 occassions where he punched me. the kids were not there but I know that doesn't mke it right.
He ahs many issues and I think counselling would help him, maybe not change though I know. He is mainly verbally abusive when things don't go his way. the recent one was when I told him I was concerned about my bum getting bigger in pregnancy, in a joking way. he then uses that to hurt me by saying When I look at you from behind I don't love you.

Staying for the children in such a marriage will not do either them or you any favours whatsoever. What are you both teaching them about relationships here?. I tell you now that you are both imparting damaging lessons to them.

Counselling for him too/anger management would NOT be at all beneficial because of the previous violence shown towards you. If there is counselling you need this for your own self, you have been ground down by him over a long period of time and your self respect if likely to be zero.

He would never willingly go to any counselling anyway and even if he did would likely take over the session and blame you for everything. It can further justify their abusive behaviours in their own minds.

He is clearly not a good dad if he treats his wife, their mother, in such a manner. He has cheated on you and has behaved awfully throughout your marriage.

You and your children would be better off without him in your day to day lives. They will not thank you ultimately for staying with him and could one day accuse you of putting him before them. You have a choice re your H, your children do not.