Think I may Need to leave, but cant.

[NeedToDoSomthing]

Hi,
Name changed (sorry)

I've been having some problems with H latley.
He somtimes goes through phases of drinking too much. He used to go to the pub (which I hated) but now stays home and does it instead. He drinks less at home but still too much tbh.

Somtimes when he is drunk he can get nasty. He decides to tell me exactly what he thinks about my mum (who I have cut contact with - shes toxic) Which hurts and although he is often right, hurts me and he knows this. He has also wound me up about my Dc (8yrs) says he needs to 'toughen up' ect. He never tries to wind me up over our Dc, just mine.

I am pg and ill (with pg realted illness) I cant take my Dc to school or look after other Dc at home. As a result I've been given a sick note from gp and H 'cares' for me. We get disability allowance or somthing.

Yesterday H woke up with a hangover and refused to get me my meds. He then refused to take my Dc to school, instead he just took our Dc to a play centre and left my Dc at home with me. Because of th snow he has missed alot sf school and really needs to go.

Today H (not hungover) again refused to get my meds, refused to get up to take Dss to school. He said because I had called him a horrid tosser, he is not going to do anything to help me today and I can sort it all out myself. He knows I have no way of doing this and he slso knows it upsets Dss to be late.

He did take him in the end. but late.

I have no money, no friends or family here (not any that could help me anywhere).
I'm ill and cant look after Dc.
I wont leave without them.

The only thing I can think of are
1 wait for pg to be over (6mths) and then I will be better so can leave with Dc.
2 terminate pg. I already love my bump and its not the babys falt I'm in this mess.

I think I'm fucked

needtodosomething you need to phone womens aid. they will be able to help you.... or at least discuss your options with you.
x

Here is number for womens aid 0808 2000 247. wait till he goes out then please phone them to find out what you can do

you get him to leave and you contact ss.

you need some help temporarily. SS can help you arrange this help.

even if its simple things like organising transport to collect your DS to take him to school for you until you are better.

you have it in your head that you need him and you don't. your not the only woman in the world with health problems and you will be surprised at just how much you can manage without him if you have to.

tell him to leave, it will do you and your DS the world of good

thats sounds awful, feel so sorry for you.

I hope the womens aid people can help.

needtodosomething - please call Women's Aid as suggested.

His behaviour is not normal and you do not have to suffer alone. If it is bad enough that your are considering a termination, you need to talk it out with someone.

Maybe there is a MNer in your area?

Thank I will give them a call.
I'm scared that he will have grounds too keep my 2yr old because of me being unwell. I just cant leave her.

he does not have grounds to take your DD.

Can ss really do that?
I would need alot of help though. Shopping, child care if/when I need hospital treatment as well as the to/from school.

Feel so shit that I cant do it myself.

I hope not mamazon but he can provve that he is more physicly able than me.
Would they take that in to it?

needtodosomething I do understand how you feel. I have been ill in pregnancy and hospitalised and terrified what would have to my dc's if dh wasn't around... but that's why i think you should call womens aid and be straight with them. they will have experience of social services etc, and will be able to advise. i think taking kids to school is easy to arrange, lots of kids get taken to school by taxi for a whole range of reasons and where we live, there is a bus which takes lots of kids for lots of reasons run by the council.
Ring womens aid and ask for their advice then at least you know what you would be getting into.
Remember, whatever happens/solutions you are offered, you should not have to deal with your dh behaving the way he is, it is not acceptable

needtodo you are pregnant not permanently ill, i think there must be a difference. Do you have any other friendds or family who can offer you real life support?

No friends here. am 300 miles from my friends (Hs idea .)

but are they there for you over the phone? how many kids do you have? how old are they?

yes social services can pay you in order for you to pay someone to help you.

they can arrange transport to take DS to and from school. they can fund an assistant to help with your shopping - though you can do internet shopping which will help.

they can arrange for your children to go to foster carers or playschemes whilst you attend appointments.

This is a temporary problem and i can assure you they will work with you.it may not all be handed on a plate and you may need to fight for funding but there are also many voluntary organisations that could help you.

please do not consider termintating for the sake of asking for help

I have 2 Dc aged 8 and 2.

Thanks Mamazon. Its good to know.

Have to go now as H is about. Will check in later.

any news needtodo?