Oh what to do?????????

[lionstigersandbearsohmy]

Hi all, I'm new on here, haven't posted before but have been reading lots of threads. Hoping for some sage advise from you ladies!

Dp and I have had many many problems in our 4 years together, briefly...he's had a drinking/drug problem, was awful while I was pg with ds (2:10). Abandoned us at birthing centre and didn't have anything to do with ds for the first 6 months of his life. Anyway things got worse and I ended up leaving, left for 7 months but decided to come back blush for ds's sake.

Things really aren't going well again (have been back since March). The main issue now is with a dog! I had wanted a dog for a long time so spent 6 months researching the correct breed for our family and decided on a cocker spaniel, we got her and all was going well. Dp however, wasn't satisfied and wanted a more 'manly' dog so in September we made a rushed decision to get an english bull terrier pup from a friend (I say desicion, what I mean is I gave in to stop him going on and on)

Basicly ever since our lives have been chaos, this dog has caused sooo much stress for all of us, she's a lovely dog but so much hard work, our house has been trashed, she is becoming so strong I am struggling to walk her, there is constant fighting/wrestling between the 2 dogs and I don't want to deal with it anymore. Have tried talking to dp several times, he is adament she is not going as she is 'his dog' even though he is out of the house 12 hours a day and all the extra work of course comes down to me.

All in all this is just another stressful situation that I feel he has caused and I don't know if I can really put up with this anymore. My family dearly wish I would leave him, my sister described our relationship yesterday as 'a constant headache' and she's right.

I'm sure I probably should leave for good but it's just such a huge desicion....any advice welcome!

Sorry if this is all a bit garbled, hard to explain 4 years of problems in a short space!

Good point Battery, I completely forgot about the dog in all this!

Wow ladies, you don't mince your words!

You are all right and I'm going to start a savings account and start moving forward. I know he's not a great Dad and that's what hurts the most, in my opinion my ds deserves better. I'm definately not trying to save him, just clinging on to the hope that things would work out and of course scared of the unknown.

We have had a dog behavourist take Nancy (bull terrier) out twice a week but dp is now saying we cannot afford this. He was refusing to take her to training classes but has now back tracked and says he will so we'll see.

Just got to keep going

Of course your DS deserves better - remember how you felt when he was born, a wonderful, perfect, gorgeous little boy. Now imagine the parent who would have it in their heart (as your P did)to sod off and miss being there for his first few hours/days in the world. No matter whether he cooks dinner or not he is plainly letting you both down. There are some wonderful ladies on here who have picked themselves up and started again as single parents and will have some great advice for you on the practical things to think about etc.

Best of luck, you can do it.

Hello!

I am new to MN although I have heard lots about it before (all good!). I stumbled accross this thread and wanted to give my support as I have a friend going through the same problem.

Lions, I think I understand your situation quite well. I am also from a single parent family so can understand your worries about facing a future alone. You seem like a good mum just trying your best to make it work and you certainly can't say you didn't try!

I can't tell you what the future will hold or that it will be easy raising your DS on your own but speaking from a single parent child I can tell you that life with just one loving parent was far better that life with an unhappy, scared mum and a controlling, miserable excuse for a father.

Being a parent is more than just providing financial security. A child's home should also be somewhere for them to feel safe and loved. Everyday arguements, stress and constant put downs mean living in a negative environment which will only have a negative effect on your DS. You can be a great example to your DS and show him what it is to be a strong, confident person who can take control and make life what it should really be, full of happiness and love.

It's what your dog Nancy deserves too! Find her a home where she will get the attention and dicipline she deserves. She is an animal who wants to be loved, not a pocession for your partner to control!

You, your DS and your other dog have a great future together. As the wonderpets would say..."What's going to work?......TEAMWORK!!"

Also, trust your family and friends, they love you and your DS more than anyone and only want to see you both happy. They will be there for you, trust me!

Thanks for letting me share my thoughts. I'm not very good at holding my peace, that's why I don't get invited to many weddings!!

I am outing you 'I love you chunk'...everyone..meet my sister!!! Thanks love, I know you want the best for us all and I'm sure you're relieved at all the responses I have received smile

But how did you know it was me?????!!!!

Not so much relieved just happy for you to have the support. You don't have to just listen to your silly over emotional sister's opinion anymore!!

Wise words from everyone, it's like you've known him for years!

No-one has posted since you and your sister last night, so I thought I'd just come and do a quick post.

I am not in your situation (hopefully I won't be but you never know...), but I just wanted to say, how lovely it is to have such a supportive sister who clearly wants the best for you and her gorgeous Nephew (and the dogs...)!!

I have three sisters and a brother and although we're all grown up with our own lives, the support they give in times of hardship is invaluable.

Sounds like your lovely sister will be there to support you all the way. Take the advice offered here and move forward with your life hun.

Good luck!!

xxx