Being single is ok. Bring me my slippers!

[Petitioner]

I've been in a long marriage/relationship (30 yrs give or take) and am now single.

Initially I was really keen to find another relationship. Well another one did come along but long distance. I'm pleased it's LDR because it's slowed it right down and is giving me chance to consider if I really want it, whether I want him or whether I'm just clutching at the familiarity of a relationship.

Last night I'd had a tough day in the office, needed to work at home, middle teen was stroppy, have health worries ... To roll into bed alone, wearing my warmest cuddliest jim jams was bliss.

It hit me that the years of coping with work and family and also dealing with the needs of a partner are over.

So am I just a grumpy old woman and best off single ? Did I have such a bad experience of marriage that I can't envisage a good relationship? It does seem weird that I may be single for ever but I don't want a relationship that drags me down. Is there such a thing as a long term supportive relationship?

Or shall I get my slippers and accept single life now?

My husband and I are seperating, and I am finding it all really hard...but this thread has been lovely to read, thanks ladies.

Autumnlight- do we share the same DH??!!

I had to do a phone call yesterday, and didn't do it particularly brilliantly, but at least the business did get transacted. Afterwards I realised how pleasant it is to be able to slightly fumble a phone call without somebody keeping score in the background.

Jeminthecellar - oh dear!!!!!!!!!!

autumnlight: you want it, you know you do. Go for it.

Have been single for 18 years now following divorce. I wouldn;t have it any other way.

I can:

Spend a whole evening reading a book

Cook what I want when I want

Leave the washing up

Go on holiday when i want and to where I want

Pick my own car

Spend my own money on what I want to

Watch what I want on TV

Have the cat sleeping on the bed

Go shopping / out for the day without having to trail him along or 'consult' for time off

When teh kids were younger they would spend some weekends at his and i had totally relaxing weekend on my own.

In fact, I cannot understand why anyone would want to be 'shackled' by marriage / partner.

Single is great

Being single is fab, i dont know why i was so scared to do it, shit marriage to a shit person and this fear of being single kept me tied in for years..
Bollocks, its fab, i agree with everything everyone else has said about the positives, biggest bonus for me is that i no longer habve to tolerate someones disgusting personal habits , no more choking on toxic fart fumes in bed !
Would only change it if Keanu Reeves came along !

there are a few things i wouldnt mind having a man around to do: put the bins out, bring the bins back, the garden, and to stand up for me in this often critical world. but the fact is that i do all these things, and would rather be alone in the world than be shat on in my own home.

< put the bins out, bring the bins back >
I did that anyway

< stand up for me >
I had to stand up for myself against him

< the garden >
I've got a gardener

Stuff it, I'm marrying myself

I already do the bins (or feel resentment at him when he doesn't)
I mostly do the garden (it's tiny anyway)
I stand up for myself

maybe it IS time to bring it on

ah hello glad I found you all, bit down today just finally split from someone was seeing so will read the thread.

hi all,

Love the thread, got divorced last year. then tried internet dating but the dates made me realise I didnt really want a partner. It was a very liberating conclusion to reach. I am now very happily single, with my kids and having a ball!! Yes life is hard some days but its much more fun

What I like the best is my own money is mine. I always choose partners who had less money than me so how rubbish is that. I have my best tatty slippers on now!!!

is there hope thou at 28 i'm not over the hill?!?

do none of you miss the conversations?

Me too. I think the money and security question is important. Once you can provide your own then your perspective does change. I earn enough to keep us all and whats mine is there for me and my kids.

Am in my mid-30s and have been single for almost 5 years since splitting from a bad marriage. I've never been happier

I have changed my life completely - got a great career, gorgeous dc, loads of friends and FREEDOM! I love it, and I honestly cannot now imagine giving up one iota of my independence to service the needs and whims of some bloke. Don't get me wrong, I like - no, love! - men, but I don't need one around all day and all night, messing up my life and losing me my precious sleep I like dating now and again, but I don't know if I could ever get into another long term relationship, living together, etc. I agree with SGB that a lot of the time women get a raw deal in that sort of situation.

I'm going to stay with friends this weekend, I'm off to a gig on Monday night, I'm going to take ds out for pizza and a movie on Weds... and best of all when I get home I'm going to put on pyjamas, open a bottle of wine and watch what I want to watch on tv, before going to bed to fall asleep, across the whole bed, listening to my favourite music.

What's not to love?!

I am now in the position where I gave my only child (dd aged 30!!!) my inheritance from my mother so she could buy out her late fathers 2nd wife and live in his property with a mortgage she can pay herself. Could I have done that with a DP in tow given my record in the past the answer is no.

Elastamum I agree money and security are important.

Do I miss conversations with a DP no bloody way. I have plenty of friends to have interesting conversations with but I am 58 not 28!!!!

I'm not sure I could fit a man into my life again

Busy week and tbh I've focused on kids and work and arrived at work daily looking just grey...

Tomorrow LDR and I have a lunch date and I will transform myself into 'drop dead gawjuss' before returning to my real world of grey, unkempt and uncared for.

But Monday night when I settle into jim jams and slippers is when I'll really relax....

Hello Southbelle, glad this thread's still going too. Sorry about your break-up, had you been seeing him long? I'm on holiday in Dubai with my soon to be ex-boyfriend and not having a great time either.

If you want to read the whole sorry tale go to the Classic case of too much too soon UPDATE thread. Singledom is looking very very good from here....

er about 5-6 months sparky, have been keeping an eye on your happenings - not so good. shame it didn't work out for you thou.

From here thou I shall enjoy my singledom once more- can leave my house in a tip, ooh the one thing I do miss thou is the fact that a bird flew down my chimney today & I had to sort it (with a bird fear!) only thing a man needs to do for me is sort out any dead creatures in the garden/house.

anyhow, brews, friends, own money, not having to please someone else.... erm....... (best re read the thread)

Not having to listen to someone else's unpalatable political views.
Being able to shed a tear over tragic events, eg Haiti, without someone thinking the whole thing is terribly funny.
Dropping a few spare pennies (literally, I'm very mean) into a passing charity box without either being accused of impoverishing our kiddies or told it's a drop in the ocean so why bother, or "they'll only spend it on guns you know".
Buying the Big Issue without being lectured on the dangers of tuberculosis.
Occasionally getting round to recycling (I'm lazy too!) without hearing how it's a total waste of time and there are much better things we could be doing with the nice plastic bags so obligingly provided by the council.
Writing to express views to councils etc without someone going into a terrible panic that we're on their list now, it will come back to bite us, OMG you didn't sign it with your real name did you???
Being friendly to tradespeople without being given a class lecture from the 1950s.
Basically, not being told off like a small foolish child for doing what I believed was the right thing.

Envious of all you happy singles. I am 43 and still need validation from men. I know it, I can't do anything about it. My father, who criticised me constantly when I was growing up - mostly about my physical appearance - has A LOT to answer for!!!

Can't break the cycle tho...I really, really,, really wish I could long for hairy legs and pjs but I crave the attention of men. God knows what's going to happen a few years down the line when I lose my looks [I'd put a terrified emoticon in here if there was one!]

"Buying the Big Issue without being lectured on the dangers of tuberculosis"

LOL!!!! This is one of the funniest things I have ever read...although I imagine less fun to married to someone with those views

I can laugh about it now, Claricebeansmum . Certainly wasn't fun at the time, mainly because I worried about the kids growing up with Nazi tendencies.

Fizzfiend, there's nothing wrong with enjoying the company of men. Some of my best friends are men. I have four sons and a brother of whom I am very fond. I am not too old to remember what it is like to be attracted to men. I just don't want the buggers taking liberties in my space.