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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Please come and talk to me...am struggling with what to do next

4 replies

AliBean · 12/01/2010 21:56

DP is 46 - 18 years older than me. We have been together for 4 years and have a 4 month old DS. The age gap is not particulary relevant too me but might explain the following...midlife crisis??

We have 1 business together with another couple and DP has another company with the man where they are 50/50.

We moved south 15 months ago to expand company and since then our business partners have set up a competing company doing the same thing and appear to have siphoned off the contracts so our company is now insolvent and needs to be wound up.

I think my DP has a alcohol problem - he was drinking every day before Christmas and after a very serious conversation where I basically said it had to stop for our baby's sake, he agreed and said he would only drink at the weekend. He was doing fine last week and stuck to it.

Then tonight he went to get some tobacco and came back slurring his words... he bought a small bottle of whiskey and drank the whole bottle sitting in the car before he came in.

The issue today is that his wife (who rrefused to divorce him when they split nearly 5 years ago) finally agreed to get a divorce. She did agree this time last year but changed her mind when she found out I was pg as she didn't want us to get married before the baby was born so we would have to put different surnames on the birth certificate (!)
So it would seem this apparently good news has sent him on a bender...

I am baffled and feeling very let down. I don't know what to do as everytime this happens we row and I say that I will leave if he doesn't sort it out (I say LOTS more - am very supportive IMHO but that is the crux). I seems that there is nothing that I can say that will convince him to address this behaviour as he always blames it on someone/something else...business partners/ex/oldest son/his family/my family etc
I don't want my precious baby exposed to this destructive behaviour and I equally don't want to deprive him of a great daddy (when he hasn't been drinking)

I was diagnosed with moderate PND after DS was born and thought I was better now but feel pretty hopeless tonight.

OP posts:
AliBean · 12/01/2010 22:13

Please....

OP posts:
snowpoint · 12/01/2010 22:18

Sorry that you're struggling. Are you taking any meds for your PND?

I've no experience of alcoholicism but someone on the addictions threads might be able to help here. Your DP clearly needs some help, but I don't know how you get him to take that step towards it.

Re the ex - surely he could divorce her on the grounds of them being separated for more than 2 years. I don't think she'd have much choice if he filed against her on those grounds..

westlondongirl · 12/01/2010 22:19

Just wanted to send massive hugs and hope someone else will have some words of wisdom. It does sound as if he has an alcohol problem. Could you go to relate or some form of counselling to help you communicate without fighting?

purplepeony · 12/01/2010 22:41

Can you contact AA? They will help you as well as him.

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