help - I'm losing all my friends...

[1000cals]

I've always gone out of my way to meet people. I'll fit in with other people's plans/timings/venues etc. Now that I've got four children, this just isn't possible. Now I feel that all those friends I've made over the last ten years have just been friends whilst it's been easy for them, and they can't be bothered any more.

For instance, we were meant to be spending new year with another couple. But they binned us off on a voicemail at the last minute as they had a better offer. When I sat back and thought about it, I realised that they hadn't been to our home for more than five years. We had always gone out of our way to meet them at theirs or somewhere that's convenient for them.

My self esteem is at all an time low, but I feel I should move on from crap friends. Has anybody else been in a similar situation?

Absolutely! I've had a string of people I considered close friends that suddenly stopped speaking to me and for no reason that I can pinpoint or that they would confess to - including my bridesmaid who stopped returning our calls almost immediately after our wedding. This was pre children but I've resigned myself that it's just part of life. I think sometimes if you're too keen to fit in with other people then they don't feel the need to make an effort to fit in with you. Don't despair, you will find new friends.

Thanks for the reassurance. I've had fall outs in the past and lost people along the way. But suddenly I feel like I'm shedding a heap of friends, not because I want to, but because I've got to put my children first now.

It takes so long to make proper new friends that I feel quite lonely. But I'm hoping that you're right and I will meet new people.

anyone else?

I agree with notasausage, that if you're the one who has always fitted in with the others - then your friendships were largely based on suiting them. When you can no longer do that, you're not as convenient as you were and the friendship changes shape (to pear-shaped, heh). Next time you make friends, it'll probably be different because you will naturally be calling a few more of the shots; your friendships will be more equal that way.

The other thing, obviously, is that most women lose old friends when they have babies. As the childless one, there's a limit to how much baby news I can stand in one conversation (90 seconds!) and I am bored out of my mind by playground mummy politics. Plus, it drives me crazy when married mummy friends assume I'm out on the town every night & having more fun than them.

Basically, we have little in common anymore and little interest in each other's lives. If you've knocked around with the same people for ages, it may feels as if you've forgotten how to make new friends - but you haven't. You might need to join a few things (mother-child group, evening class, whatever) and take it from there.

Good luck!