Help me get a grip on ridiculous crush

[mindmap]

Usual story - namechanger - it's pretty embarrassing so don't want to be identified in RL.....

I've tried really hard to deal with this on my own but recognise now that I am failing. In many ways it's not a big issue, but on the other hand it's taking up too much of my time and energy and I just want to move on.

The problem is that I have a ridiculous crush an a teacher at DD's school. She was in his class last year, and he was absolutely wonderful accommodating her various special needs, we spent quite a lot of time together etc etc.

The problem is made worse by his apparent reciprocation of the attraction. We've never discussed it, but I'm fairly certain that he feels the same way.

I am happily married and would never have an affair with this man. And yet I cannot seem to stop thinking about him. I know the easiest way to get over this would be no contact - but I can't avoid trips to school unless I move DD which is rather drastic!

In September I decided to try and avoid him which does help, but just as I am making progress he will make a point of finding me in the playground and striking up a conversation which puts me back to square one again.

I can't seem to break this cycle and need some help please. DD has a further 3 years at the school which feels like a lifetime at present. The strength and intensity of these feelings has taken me by surprise as I don't normally have crushes. It's been going on for almost a year now and any suggestions to crush it (ha ha) would be appreciated (I've already tried imagining him on the loo with trousers round ankles and I'm afraid it didn't work..)

Crushes don't just 'happen' - they mean something. What is it about this man that you find so attractive? What does he have, that you need in your life?

Once you work that out, a) it should diminish the crush a bit, I hope, and b) you can look to fulfill this need in your life in a less-alarming way.

A harmless crush is not necessarily a bad thing - as long as you don't ever act on it. Can you not just leave it as it is? Or is it affecting your marriage?

All I can think if is that you do what you can to rekindle the original crush you would have had on your DH - go out for dates, have some fun together, make a real effort.

I am I think, hopefully coming out of a full on crush myself.

In my case what worked was looking like NQC says at what it is about this particular man that you are so attracted to. It's interesting that you say he was suportive of your DD's SN as my crush was too. For me it was simply that he was supportive, attentive and resepctful, and genuinely made time for me and DS. I cannot comment on your marraige but are there areas which need work or have fallen by the wayside??

I would continue not making an effort to see him. I would also focus on him speaking to you as a professional in a school setting, de-personalise it a little.

Secondly it did help to imagine the crushes faults, and realise he was just a human being with faults, not so nice character quirks, bad habits, etc and not some superman.

NQC - I think the crush was triggered by his very positive attitude to DD. He was the first teacher to really help her (she has significant SN) and I suppose that made me see him as a caring, kind, and therefore attractive person. But even though I can see this is doesn't help me get over it IYSWIM

Hassled - it's a difficult one. I could easily say that it's not affecting my marriage but I think that is probably untrue, if only because of the mental time/energy it takes up which should really be spent on my family.

Quite often finding out more about a crush will get rid of it as its the everyday/weird and wonderful things that put you off as they are then just normal.

You could try working on your marriage and rekindle the romance there. Perhaps things have gone a little stale? Put more effort in than perhaps you feel, and see where it leads to. Make romantic gestures for your husband. Don't go TOO overboard though, as he might think something is wrong

Ok, are there other people in your life who are caring and kind about your DD? How is your husband on this stuff? How are your friends?

ASilverLining - thanks for sharing your experience. I will try as you say to de-personalise any further contact which may help..

Lovebeingamummy - I'm sure you're right but I'd have to spend more time with him to do that which would not be a good thing...

Hallelujah - The funny thing is that things are pretty good atm with DH. I guess I could put in a bit more effort though..

NQT - That's an interesting question. DH is kind and caring about DD, but we have no local family support and we do not tend to involve our friends with DD (all their kids go to different schools and due to her SN playdates are disastrous)

Maybe you just need to have friends (female ones?) who you can talk to about DD? Maybe ones who have kids with SN, who would understand?