a quick rant about step-families / crap parenting

[droopyandtired]

Rant-alert but something on another forum is driving me mad. Women making horrible comments about step-children is really getting to me. If you aren't willing to have as much patience with step-children as you do your own kids surely you shouldn't get involved with some one who already has LOs?

DH had an evil step-mother from hell - she and his dad sent his youngest sister to boarding school at 11 and she wasn't even allowed home in the holidays. She was allowed home occasionally and was made to sit outside from 8am to 6pm breaking stones to make gravel - no really this is the horrible truth. This was all justified - by her being 'disruptive'. DHs dad was a minister and they justified it to people by saying a psychologist had said she needed to be sent away before she damaged the family. What a load of bollocks - if a psychologist really said that surely my SIL has a right to sue? The truth is that during an argument DHs stepmum had said it is me or her so she was promply sent away.

D'ya wanna with that? ffs

? you've lost me!

I'm not sure I follow your reasoning...

But, imo, there are good and bad step-parents. There are good & bad parents. Some step-children can be challenging. What works for one family won't necessarily work for another.

I agree with you - some of my friends are good step-parents. I just can't see how some people can treat step-children awfully and honestly think it is ok. But hadn't realised the above indicates all step-parents are crap - I don't think that at all.

not all step-parents are the embodiment of selfish, power-crazed evil.

Your thread title implies that you feel that they are.

I really hate broadstroke SP bashing.

I had a fucking evil step mother too, well she was my evil fathers long term girlfriend, but I don't really understand what the point of your thread is other than to tell the sad story of DH & his sis?

On another forum I go on - over Christmas there have been a few comments re. how inconvenient step-children are - is it just me or is that unreasonable and quite unkind?

Not everyone is going to have utterly positive feelings about their stepchildren - it can be a very difficult relationship - perhaps it is better that people are able to vent these feelings somewhere neutral and away from the children? If they get it off their chest somewhere else, then perhaps it is less likely their negative feelings will impact on their interractions with the step children.

I've been a step mum for 8 years now and it hasnt always been easy. But recently my SS who is now 16 said; "In my ideal world it would have just been me and Dad. And in your ideal world I wouldn't be here. But we both are so we just have to get on with it. Non of us are going anywhere." Quite profound for a dope smoking lazy teen!

depressing

I have been a step-parent for almost 10 years now to 2 boys (now 16 & 17.5) and I honestly believe that they would be gutted if they said that to me and saw a glimmer of agreement in my eyes (there wouldn't, although that's not to say that it's all been rosy. We're not the Waltons). I'd certainly be gutted if they said it to me in the first place.

I just think it is bloody sad that people live their lives with a partner knowing that

a) the step-parent would rather the bio-child wasn't there

b) the step-child would rather the step-parent wasn't around

c) the bio parent was aware of both a) & c) - must be utterly fucking heartbreaking.

I know it can take time to adjust to living in stepfamilies, other peoples kids, other peoples relationships, other peoples pasts, but to spend years together and still feel that just feels very, very sad to me and a bit of a waste of years.

That was a bit of a rant and I'm aware that I'll prob get a kicking for it but I'm not that bothered to be honest.

sorry, a) & b)

I think you are right, not ranting, NomDePlume, and I hope I didn't cause any upset with my answer - it seemed to me that venting these negative feelings was probably better than letting the child or the rest of the family see them, and might help them go away - like lancing a boil, iyswim?

I agree NDP and don't think that was a rant at all.