For context ?I am twenty five and he is twenty two and we have been together for over four years. We have one 6 month old DS. We have lived together in the house I own for about three years.
All the time we have lived together, one or more of his friends have come over pretty much every day, usually for several hours ? would say they have been around us for the vast proportion of our free time. We don?t often have a night in alone together, or not a whole one anyway. I say ?his friends? because they are all male and while I get on with them and they are normally polite and friendly, I wouldn?t spend time with them if it wasn?t for my DP, except perhaps at a party or something. DP is this strange mix of reclusive and sociable ? in other words, he loves being around several people and just ?hanging out? but isn?t massively into pubs and clubs and public social places anymore. He?d rather be here with his friends than anywhere else ? he likes the bubble he lives in. His entire social life is based here, which in itself isn?t problematic because it saves us money and these days it means we/he can ?socialise? without having to find a babysitter and so forth. Everybody is very good with DS so no problems there ? not that they have a lot of contact with him because he?s in bed from 7pm but if it?s the weekend or they?re here earlier, they play with him and talk to him, one got him a Christmas present. Sometimes I do have a friend over too. DP is happy to stay home with DS while I go out with friends occasionally. I suppose I don?t think there?s anything wrong with us having people over once, twice or three times a week if that?s largely our social life, but when it?s almost every day I start to feel imposed upon (so much more so now we have DS and I want a ?family home?), resentful and frustrated.
We are friends with our neighbour (well, again, DP is?I think he?s alright) and I also rent the house next door to a mutual friend so there we have two people already, right on our doorstep. Thankfully, because they live in such close proximity, they are rarely over all afternoon/evening. I just get irritated when they sometimes turn up with texting/ringing first, especially the neighbour as he hops over the fence and appears in the garden and I have no privacy in my own kitchen. There are a couple of other people who come over maybe once a week. The main problem is a guy I have actually known for years ? he?s quite obnoxious at times but we get on in some ways (we can have a good debate, for example) so it?s not about him per se. It?s about the amount of hours he spends here. I?m sure he wouldn?t bother me if he just came round a reasonable amount. He doesn?t have many friends because of his personality type but my DP sees the best in him and likes hanging out with him ? they like computer games and both work in the same area so have things in common. This guy hasn?t had a girlfriend for the past year so he has been around literally every day, bar the odd one ? he literally had nothing better to do because he?s ?currently? living with his parents and rarely sees any other people. The amount of time he spends here means he is ?overfamiliar? in the house. He?ll usually buy himself a pizza or ready meal from the shop and cook it in our oven and have it on a plate with cutlery, which usually gets left for me to clean up. I pick him up on it sometimes ? a light-hearted dig ? but he soon forget, like a teenage boy or something but he?s 27.
DP doesn?t see any of this as problematic or inappropriate. I suppose it?s his age? I forget he?s so young because in many ways he?s wise beyond his years and we?ve been through so much together. Well, sometimes he will say that it?s perfectly understandable I get stressed by it ? say, when there are several people here because one or two have called up by chance on the same day and DP finds it hard to say ?no? (his insecurities showing there) and the neighbour?s popped round for a bit and of course Bromance boy is here as the constant. DP ?gets? it then and shows weariness with the situation, wonders how to ?get rid? of people unless it?s late enough to use bed as an excuse. Sometimes he?ll actually say, ?right, there are too many people here!? and other times he?ll just be off with them to make them get the hint. It?s some childish mode of communication. When Bromance boy has just turned up in his car before, DP has told him he shouldn?t. It?s insane, isn?t it? It?s like our house is a social club.
I guess, simply: DP has a few friends that he likes to see regularly and one of them hangs around almost every day, which sometimes stresses DP out but he seems to find it hard to tell his mate he?s not welcome round here and a part of him likes having a buddy around to do ?boy? things with. I feel neglected, although I realise that it would be unhealthy for us to just stay in together alone every night and some sort of medium needs to be found. I just don?t know how to approach it. I?ve spoken to DP about it but nothing really changes. I actually feel like he would be bored if it was just the two of us a lot of the time, yet he says he always says he misses me when I go out and always pretty much begs me to hang out with him and his friends, rather than go off to another room and do something else ? he wants me AND them around him.
Oh god, so long ? sorry!