Do you think my DH has Aspie tendencies? If so, what do I do as it were?

[BiscuitStuffer]

From things that have been said on MN, it is now dawning on me that DH may have Aspie tendencies and if this is indeed the case, then you may be able to help me 'manage' things better. Something has to be sorted as I'm not coping too well.

He....
...won't respond to anything I say unless it is in the form of a question. When I ask him to acknowledge that he's actually heard me, he gets annoyed and says he doesn't have to comment if he has nothing to say in response. He will sometimes start talking to one of the DCs before I've finished my 3rd sentence.

...feels no empathy towards his family and their health issues (he says they're being dramatic, which they may be but they still do have real health issues that do warrant some kind of empathy / acknowledgement. He will neevr ask them how they are or even wonder how they are. I had a miscarriage and told him I'd started bleeding and he barely looked up from his computer.

...if a friend is staying (happens rarely), he will be very moody, won't talk to either or us and will be visibly irritated with me.

...he will go to my parents or out with a group and will happily ignore everyone. He'll speak if spoken to but won't make any particular effort to talk or engage with anyone and would think nothing of buying a newspaper to take to a family lunch (we would have a family lunch (my parents) 2-3 times in a year maybe).

... if he's stressed he will get very irritated and argumentative with me and pick on everything I say and do and answer back and generally interact like a teenager with eye rolling / sighing / muttering under his breath etc.

...he can't seem to accept that people have different limits / abilities / likes or dislikes. e.g. i am a low risk person financially. He wants me to do something high risk. I say it's out of my comfort zone and that I'm worried about the consequences and he gets annoyed with me.

...he doesn't know when to stop winding someone up - even when asked to stop he will continue.

...if someone has an opinion on something that upsets him, he won't 'let it go' and take it in the manner in which it was said, he will go on about how offensive that person was being, even after they've apologised. We've lost lots of friends that way

Does this sound familiar to anyone and can anyone suggest how I can communicate with him to improve both our quality of lives?

Sorry this is so long and thank you x

Hmm, biscuit, now he is sounding a bit aspie! Just a bit, mind you, he is a man after all - did you know that Hans Asperger, himself, said the syndrome might be described as "extreme male brain"?

Let's run with your chocolate sink idea (because I love it!!).
So you go something like: "What a fascinating idea, how did you come up with that?" (Grace's sales training rushes to the fore )
... DH bigs up self.
You encourage talking: "It'd look brilliant with the toffee worktops and our banana appliances!" (oops, now in Willie Wonka's kitchen factory)
... pause for DH big-up time part II:
"How do they make the chocolate heat-resistant?"
... DH (possibly) invents chocolate heat treatment in order to defend idea, having perceived potential downfall:
"That's amazing! Great! Listen, can you get a copy of that so you can make sure our chocolate sink will resist hot water?"
... note: HIS fabulous idea; HIS responsibility to make sure it works; Your acceptance (our sink); he's King of the (chocolate) Castle.
He's completely free to find out, all by himself, that a chocolate sink won't work. Then he can tell you what a crap idea it was of yours

Wrt your post above, I can see why your friends say you don't say what you want - because, by most standards, you don't know what you want! Do you genuinely not care what colour, etc, it is?

It might be that DH feels he's being landed with too much decision-making. What happens if you say, for example: "I want a wall light, do you think silver or white?" or: "Don't you think we could do with a wall light there?"

I'm not perfect, heh. But I would have trouble if someone met most of my ideas with immediate negativity; also if I wanted to please them but they couldn't tell me exactly what they wanted. I'm getting the feeling that you and DH are quite similar: maybe in an opposite-ends-of-the-same-spectrum sort of way, but that's all good! Perhaps you just need to facilitate each other a bit more - which is what my preceding ramble is about. I wonder if it's helped at all?

I want a CHOCOLATE SINK!!!!