Over 40's - is your mojo still working or has it been seriously messed with?

[TooMuchCaffeine]

Was talking to DH today. I am 44, he is 46. We have one DS aged 6. We were saying that there is an absence of sexiness in our lives. Most of the people we know are over 40 with kids, who like, us hardly go out, we are a bit skint at the moment so can't treat ourselves to new clothes, holidays etc. Most of the people we work are see in our day to day lives are dull, dull, dull (we live in E Midlands, having left "sexy" London eight years ago). The town we live in is dull - just crappy pound shops and low end chain stores, and mega-chain restaurants. There are no funky sole-trader shops or quirky shops to mooch around in or little eateries to try new things.

Most of the things we do are child centred and involve ferrying DS to his various activities and social engagements, and sitting around in silence with other bored parents (who when they do talk only ever talk about their kids - not what is happening out there in the big wide world).

Basically I just don't feel sexy anymore - there's nothing happening, nothing is new, my va va voom has gone and my mojo is deffo not working.

Anyone else feel like this?

No - both of us (41 and 47) are completely sans mojo. It had come back, and then when we were putting it to use one holiday were a little less careful than we should have been and now have a 2 year old. A 12 year old who would try the patience of angels, a 10 year old and a 2 year old, long commutes, no money, no family for babysitting, ferrying back and forward to the kids evening and weekend activities - doesn't make for much sexiness!

Fortuntely we can both laugh about it, which I think is key - and we both know that it's not forever. One day we'll have money, the kids won't need us as much and then we'll have all the time we want.

Ow - I'm sexy London born and bread - mojo completely zero - as boring a life as ANYWHERE else - possibly as I married a boring person.

No issues about where you live (I've lived lots of places) depends on the couple quite honestly. Sounds like you can get yours back - GO GET IT GIRL.

Was in London all day yesterday - ahh the cut and thrust of life at Euston station, cancelled trains, packed tubes. Heading towards South London I gazed wistfully at Battersea Power Station (sigh) and felt young again. I guess I just associate London with a time of bountiful mojo, when I was young and hip and trendy and my time was my own. Now I am middle aged and frazzled and can make play doh in the microwave!

We are currently putting all our old vinyl soul records on to our computer - and that has been fun - reminiscing.

Today though with snow all around we are all going to be cooped up here for the weekend with CITV screeching in the background or DS demanding our full attention.

Pretty much the same here in sexy London I'm afraid - I reckon you can you have more of a laugh outside London actually as it doesn't take you hours to get anywhere.

Stickin old vinyl on the pc (how do you that btw?) sound pretty sexy to me - it's just so easy to lose yourself in parenthood. I promised myself I wouldn't but I find myself only having gone out ONCE last year - my work leaving do!!!!!!!!!

Well i am 42 and was not really sure what my mojo was! Sign of the times!

having read this thead though I can say that with a one year old and a three year old, some of it clearly is located somewhere between the megablocks box and the nappy stacker...without realistic possibility of recovery until (earliest) the menapause. DH continues to search for it,...in vain.

Some of it has been rediscovered - in last 6 months I have found myself running for fun (whhaaattt??) and singing in a fab ladies choir.

So I think I am saying you are not alone...and that dont look for a whole one to stat with - a teeny bit at a time might do. Some great advice on this thread though. Good luck

Definitely not age-related. I just turned 45 and I have a 28 YO fuck buddy who makes me giddy. And I also have children (not with said fuck buddy). I can imagine that it's much harder to feel the va-va-voom with a DP where you are dealing with all the detritus of day to day life piling up around you.

My FB comes over once a week once the DC have gone to bed and then leaves before midnight. I dress to kill when he's coming round like I'm going to a club or something - hair/make up/clothes (and sometimes there aren't very many clothes). I don't know if you could do something similar with your DP? Surprise him with what you're wearing or something? I find that the planning is half the fun.

Hi- haven't read the entire thread but you can feel like that in London too. Regardless of where you are, it is interaction with people that is often most satisfying.

One suggestion: Arrange dinner nights, take away or "bring a course" nights with friends.

Suggestion: Keep your lap top accessible in the kitchen, access your old music favourites on "Spotify" or similar and dance and sing your head off in the kitchen. The DCs will love and remember it and you will help nurture their taste in good music :-)

London isn't the be-all and end-all. I live 25mins by tube from the West end; I spent New Year in Bath and weren't it for London bound job, I would trade Bath for London any day

Have a date with your DH; arrange time, get dressed for dinner (take away or get him to cook or whatever). No TV, nice wine, tease him... and see how it goes.