How can my friend make her H leave? Can she even do it?

[emeraldgirl1]

In brief, she's told him she wants to separate with a view to starting divorce proceedings. He is refusing to leave the house. My friend feels she can't leave the house herself as a) she has been given legal advice not to be the first to leave and b) more importantly, she is concerned that if she leaves (with their DC) to go and stay with friends or family, her H will accuse her of kidnapping.

The point (and the reason for the impending divorce) is that her H is quite unstable. I am genuinely concerned for her wellbeing, mental if not actually physical, if she stays in the house with him. At the moment she is sleeping on the sofa (he refuses to be the one to do this) in an unheated room, quite nervous about going to sleep in the same house with someone who is behaving in a very aggressive and unstable way.

What can she do to try to get him to leave against his will? Is there anything, short of some kind of injunction? Her lawyer has told her (though she hasn't yet heard about the latest eruptions) that it is quite common for separating couples to stay in the same house, sleeping apart, while things begin to be resolved, but I do not think this is tenable in this case. Her H is aggressive, unstable, and has begun to threaten her with custody/finance battles etc.

I do not think there is anything she can do unless he is actually violent- and it would need a lot of evidence etc to have him actually evicted from his own property.

It is very common for there to be bad feeling and acrimony amongst separating couples, and although it is not pleasant, unless he actually causes her physical harm, I don't see what she can do.

I do think though that she needs more legal advice on moving in with friends or family. I know that in some divorces this looks like desertion etc, but if they are divorcing on grounds of separation it won't be a contested divorce anyway, so why does it matter who moves out?

p.s. kidnapping would surely only apply if he was refused access to his child- isn't this what mediation is supposed to sort out?

thanks purplepeony - you're making a lot of sense. I think it's often quite hard to see the wood for the trees when you know all the ins and outs of a situation so it's good to get an outside view. I don't think it should matter at all who moves out, I think it's just one of those things that seem to matter a lot to both of them, another battleground I guess

I don't know what if any mediation is going to take place - it's all in very early stages at the moment and it's impossible for her to communicate with him as he's just throwing his toys out of the pram right now. I have my doubts as to whether he'll ever be able to be adult and reasonable about anything at all though. It's very upsetting to see, especially as he doesn't seem to be giving the slightest care for his child's wellbeing. I hate watching people willfully screw their kids up like this - it happened to me once and so I feel incredibly strongly about it.

Tell her to call women's aid for advice. If he is that threatening, and she is frightened for her own safety, he can be revmoved from the house even if he hasn't actually been physically violent.