Mad paranoia....

[BlackLetterDay]

Or not. For some reason I seem to have got it into my head thst my Dp is cheating on me.

There is either no or flimsy evidence for this, I change my mind daily, it was something in the summer that made me suspect. I have no idea what though. It was more a general change in behaviour with dp, probably coupled with hormones (I was pregnant).

There is nothing re his phone or laptop and the only time he could cheat would be at work. I have smelled perfume on him once and all of a sudden he is interested in seeing his favourite bands and want's to stay away overnight.

I got suspicious when I phoned him and got a trouser call where he seemed to say "oh when she doesn't want to talk to me she goes upstairs" (to someone else)

why would he be discussing me and our relationship with someone else when he never discusses it with me?

There are certain small incidences since then but he is either entirely innocent or very carefull.

How on earth do I know if I'm being a paranoid bitch or if he is being truthfull.

Trusting that I can never get access to his work.

I'm sorry to hear this Its not easy when you suspect things going on, and every little thing makes you more and more paranoid. For what its worth I don't think you're mad. Have you tried making a list of things? Its sometimes easier to rationalise if its all visible, if that makes sense. Maybe you should talk to him?

Thinking of you.

I think you need to talk to him - it could be hormones.

Has he been a faithful partner in past relationships?

It is sad if you cannot share this with him - he should want to re-assure you anyway.

What small incindences?

What is a 'trouser call'?

when the phone gets answered but is in the pocket of trousers. The only ones i have ever got have been in boring meetings .

How does that happen, by accident?

Sorry OP - hijacking your thread here trying to learn more about trouser calls.

That is good advice about keeping a record, because it's easy to forget what little things have led you to feel the way you do. I would be against overnight stays too, I mean are they really necessary? Most bands play in major places that are easy to get to.

You might be mistaken (I pray that you are), but that doesn't mean you're paranoid. The things you have mentioned are subtle but not imaginary. Maybe nothing is going on (yet?) but something isn't right. He could just be feeling restless and tied down with a young family; maybe it's something you can work on together. Talking is good, but handle it carefully. If you accuse him openly of having or planning an affair he'd almost certainly say you ARE paranoid - whether because he's innocent and hurt, or because he's twisting things to deflect from guilt - and if there is anything to hide he'd be alerted to take even more care to hide it.

If you're worried I would talk to him.

If you don't feel you can trust him to tell you the truth, then that's a separate issue.

I don't wish to be critical, but I see an awful lot of threads with women talking about going through their partners pockets, checking phones and laptops e.c.t, and/or being encouraged by other posters to do those things.

Am I the only one who thinks that is NOT o.k?

I would be horrified if my partner snooped on me in this way.

But perhaps that conversation should have its own thread. I have no wish to hijack yours or minimise your distress.

Good luck.

Black, trust your instincts. When asked, people who are playing around rarely ever admit it. If you feel he may be having an affair, then you feel he is capable of lying to you. How can his word be trusted in this case?

Makeyerown, I'm by no means a habitual snooper and the only two times I have ever checked a partners phone, my instincts were confirmed. I had asked him, he had denied, so, last resort. Glad I did! My only regret is that I didn't do so sooner.

Totally agree with Annie.

I went through this a year ago. I couldn't really give examples of why, but I had a general sense of unease about H. I didn't want to confront him as at the time my thinking was that I didn't want to put the idea into his head
Turned out there had been something going on with a work colleague, and I'd picked it up as it was starting through changes in his behaviour.

I don't know how best to advise you to handle it tbh, as I don't feel what I did was right. H would never had admitted anything if confronted though, he barely does now. I do wish I'd read through some of the threads here on how to spot the signs though, it would have saved me a few months of angst.