Should I contact old school friend, I think she has split from her partner.

[brook1]

My friend and I met at primary school and became best friends. We are godparents to each others DC and were bridesmaids at each others wedding.

We were poles apart really, she was a career person and I was a SAHM but we were close and always got on well. There was a group of around 6 of and we are all still in touch (30 years down the line) and see each other regularly, apart from...

Out of the blue about 5 years ago my best friend announces that she and DH are splitting up and that she had met someone else. This turned out to be her boss at the big company were she worked. She started seeing less of me and more of the new friends in the circle she was mixing with her new partner. Going to the best restaurants, speaking differently, and generally living life a notch up.

I did try to keep in touch with her and made the effort to see her but she made no effort in return. We exchanged cards for a few years but eventually that stopped too.

Anyway, out of the blue this Christmas I get a card which just says its from her and her DS, no mention of her new man. I think its unlikely that she's missed his name off the card.

I know how to get in touch with her and could do if I wanted to. I do want to, I think she may be in need of a friend and why else did she send the card. However, there have been times in my life that have been hard over the last few years and I know for a fact that she would have heard about it and yet she made no contact.

Ive spoken to my DH about it and he thinks I'm stupid to even think about making contact, because she didnt give a damn about me when we spent months in hospital with our poorly child a few years ago.

What would you do? Ive not spoken to any of my other friends about it yet, they werent as close to her as I was.

It sounds to me that she is living to regret dropping her friends for pastures new.

I think it really depends on how you feel - you say you want to contact her?

Don't do it out of guilt though - you don't owe her anything. But if you really liked this woman and can forgive her for not bothering to hold on to the friendship, then go for it.

Sometimes people drift apart eh. And personally I could forgive someone who got caught up in the excitement of a new relationship and neglected their friendships. I'm sure we've all done it at one point or another.

Give her a ring, and take things slowly would be my advice.

Just reading what you have written, the phrase "I do want to" jumps out at me. I think you know what you want to do already.

FWIW, my experience is that friends aren't always able to help each other at every point, but doesn't mean they can't be there for each other at some points if you see what I mean.

I think the advice so far is good.

OK, so she may have been too busy to be bothered for a while, but hey, life's too short to "punish" people for not being what you'd hoped they were.

If you want to...then do it.

But take it slowly as getyerown says.

(Funny co-incidence- I also got a christmas card from a very old friend signed by her and her dc - no mention of the dh. I'm planning on contacting her as I have a gut feeling that they may have split.)

Agreed - if you want to, then absolutely do it. You have nothing to lose. I agree that it is easily done to neglect friends in a new relationship - many of us learn that lesson the hard way and sometimes that is not all as one sided as it seems.

It is hard to make the first step in rekindling a riendship. She reached out to you but in a non-needy way, it would be nice to respond. I'll forever be grateful to the people who were there for me (especially the ones who were there without having to be asked) when I split with my exH.

You sound a lovely person ....... remember that losing touch with friends isn't always a clear cut case of deliberately ignoring them, or believing yourself to be better than they are etc. Until you get in touch with her, you don't know for sure what things might have been going on in her life which prevented her - at the time - from getting in touch with you. For example, you never really know what goes on behind closed doors and if she had an extremely controlling partner, or if she had mental health issues at one time, she might not have felt confident enough to reach out (or maybe was literally prevented from doing so).

As others have said, take it slowly so you don't get hurt again. I think it would be fair enough to ask why she lost touch ..... and do what you want to do based on her answers.