Oh for f*s, my mothers off on one again, as life isn't difficult enough.

[mpuddleduck]

Sorry for the second thread in two days, but I'm sat at my mothers listening to her whinging about my seperated dh wanting to come and see his children.(We are staying with my mother, he has moved within travelling distance of her, we are here for 6 days and live over 600 miles away.

ok, so he won't take them out on his own,or offer to pay for anything, he tends to hang around with us, but at the end of the day he is the childrens father.

Mother is sat here saying I just want one day with my daughter and grandchildren, she wants us to go for a meal tomorrow and ex dh will probably just tag along, why does she have to make such a big deal of it. At the end of the day, the children have only seen their father for 6 odd days since may.

How frustrating.

Are you feeling any better now?

You need to say "Well mother, we're adults, we'll survive. The children want to see their dad, isn't it great they are getting the chance. Let's not talk about it anymore."

Would that quieten her, do you think?

No, now she is asking if I go on "that" every night, and what do I do on it?, she isn't just being interested, she is very disapproving.

Does she mean the pooter?
Gah. Start counting down the 6 days.

"Just catching up with some friends mum. I meant to say, it's kind of you to take the kids out with their dad. I appreciate it, thanks"
???

Yes, she means the computer, I've not had it on long, we went to a pantomine this afternoon, I fed them all, tidied up, helped her take down the xmas decs, she was watching elvis on tv so I thought I'd have a little me time, looking at Mn.

I have a sore tongue where I have bit it so much,I did say earlier that she was being unfair. oh no here she goes again " I wanted a family lunch, I was looking forward to it, I'm the looser every time " arrhhhhh.

"I know, it's lovely of you to give the family a good time like you have."

I don't see why you should bite your tongue when she puts on the poor me act. Can't you say tell her you'd prefer if the DC see their dad than she misses her family lunch.
It's your marriage ending, and the DC looking forward to seeing their dad, how about a bit of sensitivity?
Or is she the type you can't really talk to? (Sorry, I don't know if you've posted about her before).

Itsgraceagain, wow, if only.

Woops, I've just told her I think if I can be socialable why can't she,I can't see why we can't all go for the lunch and put up with a bit of tension, we did it at the theatre today, ex dh isn't anywhere near perfect, but Iam trying to get on for the children, my mother can only think of herself.

I have resisted posting about her on here before, (posted lots about problems with dh) as I feel a bit guilty I don't give her much support as we live so far away.

I know whats going to happen she will be "ill" again either tomorrow or on tuesday when we go home.

I have instantly taken against your mother for disapproving of you being on the computer instead of sitting watching Elvis with her (not that I've anything against Elvis, you understand, but why is slumping in front of the telly a more legitimate pastime than Mumsnetting?)

BUT

I do have a sneaking sympathy for her not wanting your ex hanging around when she's trying to have a bit of rare quality time with the DD and DGC. He's a (former) part of your life, not hers, even if she does owe him some gratitude for the DGCs' existence. Worse if she is paying for any of these outings that he invites himself along to. She's doing pretty well just having a grumble to you in private, rather than flatly refusing to allow him along, with or without a public scene.

How about ONE day where he gets to play happy families and then he fecks off and it's her turn? He's already been treated to the pantomime. Now he gets lunch as well, which from what you've said he's most unlikely to be paying for. Your kids may be happy to have more daddy time but her simmering resentment is quite understandable. Selfish perhaps, but as we parents grow older we tend to feel we've done the giving up everything to raise the kids bit and now it's our turn to enjoy the fruits. Does that make sense?

Why does your ex have to see his children at your mothers?

Lol @ mpuddleduck!

I know. It's a bummer when mums can't get over themselves (especially at Christmas)

Wrt to the above posts, you have explained that you live a long way from her but XH is closer. So it's logical for the kids to see them both when you visit - and could be perfect for them, having the family together, if only the other two adults would play nice!

I was kind of suggesting that, if you play to your mum's ego a little bit (all right, a lot) she might go along with it. There's not much to lose by lying diplomatically through your teeth. In fact, during the festive season, it's often the only way to go

Sitll, if she's going be "ill", at least you've only got to be nice to XH for the day.
What a nice mum you are, hope the kids have a good time!

xx

Well, we all met up and went for lunch, mother told ex dh that he could either pay for his own or split the bill, (he paid nearly enough to cover his own), nobody caused a scene and the children had a lovely time.

Anniegetyourgun, even writing it down makes me realise how unreasonable the whole situation is,I do understand how mother feels,but am struggling with the whole contact thing for the children at the moment and they have to be my priority, I worry about how all this playing happy families might be confusing them as well.

We are leaving for home in the morning, we have spent 5 nights with mother and 3 of the children spent 1 night with x dh and his family.I'm not sure when the children will see daddy again, I asked before he left this evening and he said "I don't know".

Mother is complaining as usual, but is not unduly unwell yet, I just wish I wasn't piggy in the middle all the time.