How common is it for someone who has had a cheating spouse to then

[GleeE4]

when single have an affair with a married man
not me obv

I would imagine its not that common tbh.If you've had it done to you why would you then go and inflict the same pain on someone else

i know
i know

affairs are common.
Full stop

My XH's OW was in the throes of a divorce form her H who had cheated on her, apparantly (according to XH "it devastated her") so of course she decided the best thing to do was help destroy the lives of another woman and child!

I think if you are the person who has no morals or empathy anyway then it makes no difference!

I never have and never would do it (I have had the opportunity, and was once with a MM as soon as I found out I walked away)

you may think no it causes too much pain
you may think I've been hurt so feck everyone else
no rules, are there

oh err I know someone who is doing just this Her DH left her for his pregnant mistress and she took up with a married colleague. I am constantly telling her its wrong, it will never go anywhere (it so,so won't) why would she do to someone else what was done to her etc. To no avail.

or are so utterly self absorbed and self centred they dont give a flyinf fuck about anyone else

Have never had an affair, have had it done to me, would still not ever do it to a future partner/get together with someone who had a partner.

Having said this, being messed around in such a horrific way can certainly have a strange effect on people, it can throw formerly held values into complete uncertainty and disarray.

...I chose celibacy! I'm sure others are sent in a spin off to the other end of the spectrum.

Years ago I worked with a woman whose husband had left her for a woman he'd been having an affair with for 2 years. She was devastated and then ended up having an affair with another colleague who was married with 3 children.
She couldn't see at all that she was doing the same as her husband had done to her despite lots of people at work commenting on it as she conducted her affair very openly and unashamedly at work events, Christmas parties etc

Afraid I've known a few people who did this, including the OW in my case. I cannot understand if you've lived through the pain yourself, why you would want to inflict it on another woman and children. But I do think some women get so damaged that they decide to wreak havoc, as they feel it's unfair if some women have happy lives when they have not.

Usually, there are clues in their personalities and relationships - competition with other women, few (of any) true female friends, esteem driven entirely by men etc. Not people I have ever wanted to be friends with....

whewillI, your last para is full of pertinant points.

For a short (thankfully) period in my recovery, my esteem did fluctuate according to male attention and I did feel somewhat competetive. Transitory phases in my case, my true nature resurfaced.

You know, I think in part and at that time, I was overly interested in the dessimation of my life and family from the OW's perspective ...but certainly not enough to put anyone else through it.

I was dumped for someone else after my ex cheated with her. I then met someone else who had a girlfriend, who he finished with for me. We did not have an affair though, he ended the relationship first. I still felt shit about it, putting her through heartbreak like I'd been through.
Is that as bad?
There were no kids involved then, but the man in question is now my DH and we're happy with children. So not just a casual fling.

Zombie zombie zombje