Should I cancel 1st counselling session?

[Sunshine2]

DH kissed work colleague at night out before Christmas. I found out( he didn't tell me). Extremely remorseful. I was devastated by the betrayal. I love him very much & have never had reason to doubt him before. Truly don't believe this was more than a very drunken kiss on his part- though she has tried to contact him a few times since( even though she knows I know & was so upset). He hasn't returned her calls. He booked counselling session before Christmas. We have had 2 weeks off together & things have been good between us & I have blocked out the incident( though not forgotton) I really don't want to go to counselling( know he doesn't!) as scared!! Don't want to drugde it all up again!! I know what I am like & if I don't sort it out completely I will probably bring it up time & time again. I really really don't want to go- should I cancel?

No. If only for the reason that you say you are scared. What you resist, persists. Why not make 2010 the year to face your fears? While they lurk in the shadows, they can be terrifying and unmanageable. Cast some light around, and you'll be able to put them in perspective.

Good luck!

what a cow she is trying to contact him like that! Has he told her to get lost?

He was going to text her to say- never contact me again but I didn't want him to. We decided to ignore her completely. She rang him late one night 3 times( he didn't answer) she was pissed & knew I wouldn't be there.By the way if I had been there I would have answered!!! I reason I don't want contact with her as it seemed to encourage her. He called her in front of me to ask if they had kissed or not( he was so drunk & says he could barely remember- he could barely stand) afterthis she sent texts saying- we did nothing wrong etc. But, there has been no contact for 2 weeks now. He will return to work tomorrow though

You should still go, otherwise you are papering over the cracks not dealing with rebuilding trust.

Was the session booked purely as a response to this incident or was it booked anyway - ie is this the only issue that you want to discuss.

Either way, if you still have concerns and questions then you should go. Nothing worse in a situation like this than feeeling like you are being forced to act like you have moved on when inside you have not. It needs to all be dealt with now so you make a fully informed decision as to how to move on and then hopefully can stick to us and not have niggling unanswered questions.

If this was "Truly don't believe this was more than a very drunken kiss on his part" why did he book the counselling?

Why did he think you needed it? Was it to show he's serious about you?

You could always go to one. Is that all its about really? Is there more to talk about do you think?

Perhaps she isn't really the main issue.

Good luck!

Please don't cancel. If he had come clean and told you all, it would have been one thing, but he didn't and so it is another. Believe me, these things are never just harmless incidents. There's always something deeper going on which has caused him to get into the position in the first place, then to lie and conceal. He's still working with her as well.

Don't treat the counselling as something to be scared of. When something like this happens, the couple should work on "affair-proofing" the marriage so that something like this can never happen again. Failing to get to the root cause of why this happened in the first place will not do that, and so there will be repeat episodes or someone else at some point.

The counselling will help you have a grown-up conversation about how you both deal with temptation in your marriage - pretending it won't happen again is the equivalent of putting your head in the sand and hoping for the best.

I would very much doubt your trust is restored and so this will help you do that.

Thank you so much for all your replies. I probably will go to the counselling session though totally dreading it. We do have communication problems in certain areas-prefer to block it out- though I am not the type of preson that forgets easily. Just can't see how it will help more than us talking it out. Think I am worried counsellor will say I need to move forward but just can't see how this is possible. I love my DH deeply but cannot see how I will ever trust him again

Can I just add my encouragment that you go to the session. It's understandable for you to be worried, but counsellors are not there to advise you, or to judge you, but to help you communicate. It sounds to me like you and your partner would benefit enormously from what counselling offers.

I found that I could say things in counselling that were hard to say if we were just discussing together. Our counsellor also stopped us from going round and round discussing the same thing without resolution. You can only benefit from going.

Oh, and everything that WWIFN said, too!