Ways forward....

[usuallyalurker]

Just need to talk really. My DH and I are going through a rough time, ands this has been ongoing for 2 yrs approx. Been together 14yrs. Have 2 DC, aged 4 and 2 and just struggling to have a relationship. We have discussed this and I have cried. He feels we are just in this raising the children and there is no closeness between us. I feel so desperately sad as we used to be so happy and had such a good relationship. Have we just lost each other because of the demnds of parenting? Other people manage why can't we? Will we get through this? Just feel so unhappy don't know what to do. Any advice please?

Do you get time on your own? Can you get time on your own? Holidays? Nights out? Nights in?

You need to.

Do you both want to find the closeness again? Please don't feel that you are the only couple feeling like this, I think most couples have difficulties to varying degree's when raising young children.

If you both really want to get things back on track then you have a better than good chance of doing it.

Can you organise a babysitter? Do you have time on your own?

There are just so many things to fit in to one day when you have a 4 year old and a 2 year old, and you both work. Its hard to find the energy never mind the time.

I suppose its like anything though, if your not putting time and effort into it, it suffers.

You are not alone, it is normal stuff for couples with young families.

Really really recommend Relate. Deal with this before it becomes an issue you're too scared to talk about. It might just be a case of helping you get back on track, whatever happens you do need to address it.

Echo comments about having time together without the dc's. This is vitally important, even if you just have a date night at home once a week with a dvd and nice meal.

Without wishing to scare you, this is a time when your relationship may be vulnerable to affairs (mine was, at exactly the same stage) so the more you can recover that closeness between you two, the more you'll safeguard your relationship. I really don't mean to worry you by saying this, it's just that I wish I'd known it this time last year!

I'd recommend nights out too. It's so hard to have proper couple time when your children are that tiny, but it will get a lot easier in the next couple of years as they get bigger.