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Having doubts about seperation. I need Mn advice please.

6 replies

mpuddleduck · 03/01/2010 00:11

Dh left in May, I told him I needed some space after years of not getting on well and one particular incident that shattered my trust and respect and any feelings I have for him.
He moved a long way away, and I have looked after our children.
We have been visiting this week, and he has had the older ones for the first time overnight without me, which I guess might be the cause of my wondering if seperating is the right thing or whether we could ever make it work again. When he left it felt like such a weight off my shoulders, but life is lonely and hard.
Has anyone else got back together after seperating and made it work?

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MrsSawdust · 03/01/2010 00:29

Nowhere in your post do you say you miss him, love him, still have feelings for him. In fact you said that when he left it was a massive relief.

You say you find life lonely and hard - I think that's inevitable if you're a single parent but it's no reason to stay in an unhappy marriage. Unless you do still love him.

Whatever it was he did that caused you to lose all respect and trust - have you forgiven? Are respect and trust restored?

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mrsboogie · 03/01/2010 01:06

I know who you are and I remember your story. Life on your own being a bit hard I not enough reason to get back with a twunt like him. If you do you will be back where you started in no time.

It would only work if he had changed and become a decent guy.

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mpuddleduck · 03/01/2010 08:14

I know, but the distance he has put between himself and the children really is impossible. On the other hand, he was expecting to keep them for the night as arranged, but when I asked if he had dd's foods for her special diet he didn't and as he had been drinking couldn't even go out and get it , and I really don't think he was bothered that he didn't get to have all of them overnight.
The trouble is he seems such a nice guy most of the time, even my aunty (who doesn't know the whole story) was saying to him, you should try and make it work.
I put up a barrier to emotions for so long I still feel numb, but also sorry for him, we were together for 20 years.
I'm not really any further forward than I was 7 months ago, I just start to feel like I can move on and survive, then I feel guilty and think I should be more forgiving and trying to keep my family together.

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SolidGoldBloodyJanuaryUrgh · 03/01/2010 12:46

NONONONO! DO NOT get back with this horrible knobber. He is VIOLENT and DANGEROUS and his current behaviour (not having the right food for DD and not caring) shows that he still thinks that he is the only person who matters, that you and DC are unimportant - and therefor it's perfectly all right for him to neglect the DC and thump you whenever he feels like it.

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SqueezinAroundTheXmasTree · 03/01/2010 23:42

mpuddleduck - it's HolyG. Don't do it, just don't.

Exactly what SGB and mrsboogie says.

No, no, no!

PS: On that note, wishing you a happy new year and all the best for the coming months. Out with the old, in with the new! Forwards not backwards......and every other similar cliche you possibly can think of

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mpuddleduck · 03/01/2010 23:58

Hello HolyG, love the name, Happy new year to all of you too .

Having a hard time with my mother tonight, and feeling all sorts of emotions being down here.