Too soon for DC's to meet my (soon to be) ex DH's new girlfriend???

[shakennotstirred]

My dh left for another woman, who he met on-line, in August this year, leaving me on my own with our 3 children (2, 4 and 8). He sees them sporadically at best and has let them down several times.

We had arranged weeks ago that he would have them for the day today. He called yesterday to say that his girlfriend would be with him today and would therefore meet the children. My knee-jerk reaction was "No way", to which he replied that he wouldn't see the children unless she could also come.

I've got up this morning...feel frankly exhausted and so in need of some time off. I had been so looking forward to some "me time" today, had planned to go sale shopping, etc. It's so rare for me to actually get some child-free time.

So, my question is, should I reconsider and let him bring his girlfriend with him? I'm very anxious about her meeting them. I have no doubt she would be nice / kind to them but a part of me thinks that might be the problem! I'm not sure how I feel about them spending time with another female, particularly one that's caused the breakup of our family!

Any thoughts would help greatly. Thanks!

It's normal to feel the way you do, you have to gracefully accept your feelings. At the same time, although your ex shouldn't have put it as an "either...or.." situation, it really is up to him when his children will meet his new girlfriend.

You might disagree with the timing and with the person he has picked, bt you wouldn't really discuss with him when the kids can meet your boyfriend if the situation was the other way around. Forgive me if I'm being presumptious here, but it mostly is the case.

Take the time off and enjoy it, it'll be better for everyone in the family. Your kids will enjoy time with their dad and their potential stepmum, while you will get the chance to relax, do some shopping, see a friend, whatever.

I agree with mummygirl, even though your ex sounds like an idiot and doesn't sound as if he's thinking much of you or your children, you do need some 'me' time and they will have to meet at some point so why not now?

I dont think you can "let" him bring her or not- but it probably won't harm your children either.

Thank you all for your thoughts. You're not being presumptious Mummygirl; I agree that should I ever meet another man, I wouldn't run it by ex first

Thanks Plumm. He is a tit, a selfish, thoughtless tit at that.

I've texted him this morning to ask if he'll have them today as planned as they've been really looking forward to it. Also said that although not overly keen, I could live with him bringing gf along. Haven't heard back from him yet (I'm thinking yet another long, leisurely lie-in!)

he really should be seeing them alone regularly and establishing a routine with them.

he's caused enough upheaval in their little lives.....ans
d he's only been with his gf less than 5 months,its not exactly a secure relationship yet is it. suppose they split and he ends up with a string of gf's being introduced?

we all want a break,i know that well enough being lp with 5 dc and NO family help at all and certainly no ex around to help....but even so,think this through from kids perspectives....he needs regular contact himself first,on his own!!

Thanks ILoveTiffany - your points are ones I've raised with him (re. stability of their relationship and that it's not been long enough) but he brushes my concerns aside. They're obviously in the honeymoon period at the moment so he feels as though it'll last forever, but we all know that things and feelings can change once that period is over. He has really shocked me with how little regard he's showing for our children - he's let them down several times already in favour of seeing his gf, which really upsets me.

Incidentally, regarding his visit today, he has called and left me a curt voicemail so obviously has no intention of seeing them even though I relented and said he could bring "her" with him.

I feel desperately sad for the children, particularly my 8 yr old DS who it has hit really hard.

It was not fair for him to give you an ultimatum. It doesn't sound like he is putting your children first either. Getting over your parents splitting up is a very hard thing. Adding the homewrecker to the mix makes it even more confusing for them. You should tell him that really this is something the two of you, as parents, should sit down and discuss beforehand.

1 disadvantage of mobiles is the ability to take the wimps way out and text or leave voicemail. If I rerally want someone to talk to me I make sure mobile is turned off as is house answerphone so they have to actually speak to me and ring back if I'm out.
Not seeing kids in favour of girlfriend is sad and twitish, but I agree that he shouldn't have to get your permission to let his kids meet his girlfriend, same as you don't need his.