Missing my mojo

[Madascheese]

Hello

I hope someone can help me.

I left a very toxic marriage 3 years ago and 7 months later got together with DP which was a complete surprise as he'd been my best friend for 10years. DP is gorgeous and it was a very pleasant surprise to discover how much we fancied each other and how great 'the bedroom' could actually be.

Relationship is lovely, really settled and very happy and he adores and is adored by my DS.

I have had a hugely stressful custody battle with my ex which left me in tatters but DP has held me together throughout despite the my sex drive vanishing about 18 months ago (I suspect it was a case of 'something had to give' and sex had been one of the manipulations my ex used)

Now, custody battle finally resolved last month and I really want to move on, but I can't seem to work out how to get back to intimacy with my lovely DP.

He is incredibly caring and understanding and I am under no pressure here from anyone but myself but it feels like such ahuge step from 'here' to 'there'

Any advice?

thanks in advance

Hi Madascheese,

I'm sorry to hear you are finding this a difficulty.

Are you cuddling? Are you able to share a bath when DS is out the house?

I feel cuddling, kissing & maybe flirting with DP might help to lighten things for you.

Are you doing this already?

Different circumstances, but my DH and I had not made love for more than a year despite being in a very loving, happy relationship.
I would say the same as tinalane, try being intimate with no sex in the mix at all. Lots of kisses all the time, hold hands, snuggle watching the TV together all that sort of stuff. But what worked for me, and it only worked for me, cos the no sex thing was in my head. I mean that I wanted to do it, but my body would no coply and that stressed me out so much that I was terrified to do it. So....we bought some KY jelly and made a pact to have sex every day.
We are still doing it every day and sometimes we need the KY jelly and sometimes we do not.
Try it and see...
I hope that was not TMI for you, but it has really worked and we are so happy!

Thanks for the advice - you're very kind.

Louby - thank you, it sounds like you really had to work hard at it and I appreciate your honestly. In my case body is up for it and I definately do still fancy DP and I don't have worries about how good it will be.

Tinalane - I can even really bring myself to do that - suspect I might be seeing the whole picture though rather than just the steps to build things up again. Not sure I could do bath sharing (even if we had one) as i've never been much of a co-splasher!

I just think I've retreated so far into myself to get through the last couple of years that I've lost the way back at the moment.

Writing the message yesterday actually helped much more than I thought it would - as I'm pretty mortified about the whole situation (though DP is such a sweetheart and says (when I can actually screw up the courage to bring it up!) if this is what our relationship is that's what it is and that he's in love with me not sex.

I do know how lucky we are to have found each other btw

Maybe my new years resolution should be something about relaxing!

Thanks again
xMad