is it me - advice greatly appreciated...

[landofoz]

just been reading through some of threads re controlling relationships-how do you ever stop doubting yourself even when your not in that relationship. We are no longer toghether but have stayed friends for the children. The children adore him and love being with him, which is great as there happiness is paramount. But this which might sound a bit wiered but this makes me feel like Im the bad one as I left the relationship. just recently things have thrown me as I work and have had to do some weekends which i called and gave him the dates so he could look after childen. now Im being told that I didnt tell him and so far he not returned my call or text to say whether he will look after them. I know my mood wasnt great when we last met- hormonal, tired, bit down and a bit offish. Think every thing just caught up with me. just feel gutted as I always change my plans, swop shifts at work, canx personal plans to fit in with his arrangements so he can see children whenever he wants.

Hi hun it doesnt sound right but it does happen men are like children maybe he thinks there is someone else, if i were you i would do as i did make childcare arragements of your own and dont ask him and possibly have agreed days that he sees the kids and not as and when it suits him because in a way its controlling behaviour

well you need to firm things up legally.

landofoz - You're doubting yourself because that's how he controls you - and he's still doing it

Look up "gaslighting". It's the psychological tactic of making people believe that what they've seen, heard, said & done is not reality.

I question whether someone like this is somebody you want around your children very much. It would certainly be a good idea to make your own childcare arrangements, and stick to the access agreement with your ex; no more.

Meantime, keep all your communications to email only. That way you have a copy, in writing.

All the best! x

Imho, it is just more validation and clarity for you that you were right to get away from him.

As the others have suggested, get the visitation schedule down pat, stick with it with robotic precision-no emotion need be involved.

Avoid "depending" on him for favors of emergency childcare. That may be a sticky area for you to be/feel manipulated.

When you "need" him, he has you in the palm of his hand-watch out. Therefore, just don't need him anymore.

thank you every one to replying, it was good to get it of my chest. i dont usually rely on him have a child minder or parents look after them. It was just this occassion I was stuck. But you guys right nothing changes.xxx.