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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Horrible Incident.

21 replies

HumphreyBogart · 29/12/2009 00:40

DH and i went out for a drink and he got very drunk. I was a little drunk but still had my wits about me IYSWIM? Anyway, when i got in, my laptop didn't work, so i took it upstairs to where Dh was sat and asked him to fix it. He playfully pushed me onto the bed and proceeded to fondle me. I didn't want this to happen and a struggle ensued. He was still thinking he was being playful, at least initially. I tried to laugh and manage the situation in the best way to ensure that nothing went so far as to have no return. The whole tone descended as i became upset and i struggled. Eventually he let me go. This morning i had bruises all along my arms and legs and stomach. I feel like i have just taken a spin class lol. It's that kind of ache in my legs and its uncomfortable to walk. I know there have been a lot of these threads recently. I'm sorry that i have to add to the number. The disturbing thing is how we have both accepted the incident and moved on with the little things that make up the day. He apologised. 'Incidents' have pepperpotted our marriage. Not quite the same as the one described, but there have been explosive arguments, drunken threats etc. Thank you for reading. I am not quite sure what i want of you, but i thought i would write it down becuase i know it's not normal despite how we have conducted ourselves since.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 29/12/2009 00:44

The bit where you say you tried to manage it so it didn't get to point where there's no return?? That's very telling, and that's two days running I've said that on here !

GypsyMoth · 29/12/2009 00:52

Do you both drink together often?

poshwellies · 29/12/2009 01:01

Give up the drinking.

HumphreyBogart · 29/12/2009 01:03

No. we don't go out often.

OP posts:
DollyMessiter · 29/12/2009 01:08

If your husband is bruising you, you both need to be having some very serious discussions about the state of your relationship.
An apology is worth nothing if the incident is likely to occur again.
He has hurt you, and imo that is not something to be brushed under the carpet.

HumphreyBogart · 29/12/2009 01:11

Ty.

OP posts:
ItsAllaBitNoisy · 29/12/2009 01:13

I don't understand your OP. Did he rape you?

BitOfFun · 29/12/2009 01:16

It must have been heavy-handed for you too be so bruised and sore. Sounds a bit too persistent to me. You need to talk about it.

How are things generally?

I have had an ex basically rape me in similar circumstances, and didn't have any bruises that I recall, so I am a bit worried at how rough he was being.

HumphreyBogart · 29/12/2009 01:17

No. Rape would be a black and white issue for me, i would leave.

From the replies, i gather that it's not too serious and i shouldn't have been drunk. Which is fair i think.

OP posts:
HumphreyBogart · 29/12/2009 01:18

I bruise easily. However i am very bruised, which is why i posted. I am not quite sure what to make of the whole situation.

OP posts:
dittany · 29/12/2009 01:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ItsAllaBitNoisy · 29/12/2009 01:19

Don't be daft. Of course it serious, he hurt you.

poshwellies · 29/12/2009 01:21

It's serious enough for you to be questioning your dh's actions that night.

Sounds like your dh had way too much to drink and acted in a abusive and frightening way towards you.

Talk to him and tell him,he can't treat you in this way,it's not acceptable whether he's drunk or sober.End of.

dittany · 29/12/2009 01:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HumphreyBogart · 29/12/2009 01:24

Yes Poshwellies. You are right.

There was no sexual intercourse btw. I think he was trying to be playful and it just got out of hand.

Thank you. I shall leave it there.

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 29/12/2009 01:25

Exactly. Very worrying.

DollyMessiter · 29/12/2009 01:26

I think it is serious, and I didn't comment on the fact that you had been drinking at all.
You should be able to trust that your husband won't behave in a physically aggressive way, whether either or both of you are drunk, or not.

I think you know that if you showed the bruises to a friend or relative, they would confirm that this is serious?

dittany · 29/12/2009 01:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BitOfFun · 29/12/2009 01:34

Even if it was just "playful", it's very much mis-judged if it leaves you bruised. You need to speak to him really.

poshwellies · 29/12/2009 01:36

I feel the OP'S dh has issues with alcohol.

You mention drunken threats and explosive arguments,please seek some help OP,you know this behaviour isn't normal.

"The whole tone descended as i became upset and i struggled. Eventually he let me go"

This worries me,seek help.

CupOChristmasCheerfulYank · 29/12/2009 01:50

I hope you're all right. I agree with everyone else that you really do need to draw a line. counseling perhaps?

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