HELPING MY DS THROUGH THE END OF OUR RELATIONSHIP

[whygodwhy]

My DH is moving out this weekend, and I struggling to know how to help my DS 6 through this situation. My marriage has been very emotionally abusive and my DS has sadly seen and heard too much and is very protective of me.

The marriage has been a very sad one for a long time but I have tried and tried to keep it together but he is adamant that I am not good enough for him and basically the lowest of the low and he has been very happy to tell me this daily.

My DH is rarely at home and then under duress and consequently spends little time with DS, earlier in the year it all came to ahead with DS crying regularly and shouting at his dad "why don't you come home from the pub and be with me, why do I come second" awful to hear - DH told DS "this is what all DAddies do so you will have to get used to it". I obviously told DS that that was not the case.

If I try to bring the issue up of us parting now DS just says "don;t want to talk about it" said in a monotone with closed look on face - if I push him he gets annoyed and says - "as long has he is with me in a house we will be happy" and "I asked Daddy to come home but he wouldn;t so there no point" so grown up for a 6 year old, it really worries me. But basically he is very closed on the subject.

How should I handle this, don't want him to have lots of pent up sadness, but not sure how to handle this in the least damaging way with a 6 year old or maybe it's best left and it may be a relief for me and DS...

Help please

bump please

My DD is 7. My H left 6 weeks ago, totally different situation from yours. Hes just a lazy twat that spent all day watching sky sports and didnt do anything with kids.
My DS 5 copes fine, he lives for the moment is happy when he sees daddy and is fine when hes not there. DD on other hand crys cos she misses daddy (sometimes i think this is just a new weapon to use when she is annoyed with me tho). They spent last weekend with him, then for next 3 nites at bedtime she was in tears for hours cos wants to be with him.
I got some books from library for kids about diviorce, but she said they reminded her of daddy and made her sad, told her bout when i was a kid (my parents are divorced too) she listened to this but didnt say alot. If i try and talk to her she blanks it or dissolves into tears but wont say how she feels.
I havent really found a solution, i have given up trying to discuss it as it makes her unhappy. If she mentions it I just give her loads of cuddles and a bit of time doing things with me on our own (no annoying little bro - he is plonked infront of TV!)Told her that she did more with daddy in 1 weekend thatshe has in last 6 months and tried to explain that she would have a better time with him by seeing him less.

Will you DS see him regularly?

DD gets better after she hasnt seen him for a few days but then when they go round it starts again, I guess time is the best healer, and a routine for seeing dad. We havent got that far yet but are workingon it.

DD's teacher said that there is a teacher that does play therapy if she needs it,dunno if thet would be any use if u have acess to it.

Lots of love and a bit of time is all i can suggest. Try not to be negative bout DH within earshot (easier said than done I know!)

Hope some one has better ideas for you.
good luck

THanks will look into the books to get some advice, like your situation, hope that they may well end up spending more quality time together.

Your little fellow sounds wise beyond his years. It's very sad that he has been exposed to his dad's nasty, thoughtless behaviour at such a young age, and this is bound to leave a mark for some time. Thank goodness he will soon be out of that horrible atmosphere, with a mum who puts him first as any parent should do, and hopefully any time he spends with his dad in future will be quality time.

What to say? If it were one of mine I'd tell him the bare facts, which he would have to know, with as little detail as possible; assure him that it is in no way, shape or form his fault that his parents are unable to live together; and wait for him to ask the questions he feels he needs to know, when he's ready. Maybe one day you can make sure you have filled in the gaps of his understanding, learned any lessons you aren't sure he's picked up etc, but right now it's all too much for him, naturally. He is a human being in his own right, he has a right to know about things that affect him, but he is not sufficiently informed or experienced to cope with the whole hideous truth. He is therefore quite wisely protecting himself at this point.

I am quite sure, from what you say, that he is a good, caring, sensitive little boy and will grow up to be a loving and supportive partner to a lucky woman one day, with your gentle nurturing and a lot less of his dad's negative influence.