When he threatens violence, does he mean it?

[SniffaTrampsArmPit]

If a man says to his partner:

"If I ever found out you were cheating, I'd beat the shit out of you"

Does he mean it or is it all bravado and empty threats??

whether he means it or not it's a horrible thing to say.
The thing though do YOU believe it?

Leave him now. Irregardless of whether it is empty threats or not it is so very very wrong.

Why would he think that you would cheat anway. Surely he should trust you?

Who knows? but any man that would contemplate 'beating the shit' out of his partner sounds unpleasant and unstable to me.

Whether he means it or not, threatening violence is never acceptable.

Was this something that was said to you or is it a hypothetical question?

Is this you, or someone you know?

It doesn't matter its a horrible thing to say. What if he THOUGHT you were cheating but had no proof...would that be enough for a beating? What if you annoyed him in some other way?

As the saying goes - theres no excuse for domestic abuse. And imo threatening violence is emotional abuse.

And whether he means it or not, even said as bravado implies a rather unpleasant personality trait.
Don't suppose that sort of comment is in isolation. Am guessing there's other stuff where that came from.

Oh ... well his ex wife cheated on him so he thinks that gives him the right to threaten me "after all he's been through" etc.

I can't make up my mind whether he means it or he's just trying to frighten me off doing it. Either way I'm finding myself in an unhealthy situation.

I'm unhappy here, but stuck. I am contemplating seeing someone else which I know is wrong also. I'm very confused basically and see no way out.

A particularly unleasant way to say it - I would worry, yes.

In some ways to threaten it is even worse than to actually do it and it really doesn't matter if he means it or not it is a totally unacceptable threat to make.

get in touch with womens aid. They will be able to give you advice and help.

Whatever you do, don't stick around long enough to find out if he means it or not. You are not his ex wife and he shouldn't be speaking you or to any woman like this.

Don't even begin to think about an affair. If you are unhappy with your partner, sort yourself out, leave him and get settled.

Then if you are still interested in the other guy, go for it.

What are the issues in your relationship that makes you unhappy?

Guy I was seeing there said to me "as long as you don't cheat on me or move to Australia you will be fine" and things like "Your mine now, Im going to keep you" It was all very controlling, and we'd only jsut met...so I got rid. Do not put up with this shit. You deserve more.

Why are you stuck? Why can't you just finish with him? He doesn't sound very kind.

Yes, he means it. Get out now. Please don't put up with this.

What a delightful bloke.

Wouldn't hang around to find out tbh. If DH said that to me I would ask him who the hell he thought he was talking to!

Anyone who makes such a statement is at best a complete fuckwit, and at worst a violent arsehole. Either way, it doesn't look good, does it? It really doesn't bode well.

Makes you wonder why his XW cheated on him - or even whether she really did.

Nobody, but nobody, thinks you should be putting up with this. If you're in the UK, head for Women's Aid like a shot.

I think you need to view this within the context of the overall pattern of behaviour. It might be an unwise turn of phrase, like saying if you ever found someone cheating you would die. Many people say "I'll kill you" when they don't really mean it.

However, when there is a pattern of intimidating behaviour designed to establish and maintain power and control over you it is a different ball game altogether. Women's Aid do some sterling work but I wouldn't necessarily make them the first port of call.

In my experience assertiveness training and/or relationship counselling can be more effective. (Relationship counselling isn't just about mending a relationship, it can help leaving one too.) It really depends on the individual circumstances eg how extreme the behaviour is, whether the relationship is relatively short.

Yes, he probably does. He's trying to frighten you into modifying your behaviour which is not the action of a partner, but a bully. If threats don't work he will use actual violence.
Don't have an affair - why would you? Concentrate on leaving this man then you can think about other men down the line.

Wouldn´t most men just say they would leave?

It´s not usual to threaten violence is it?

No one can possibly know if he means it or not but I would hazard a guess he does.

How are you stuck?

This is not a healthy relationship and you need to leave it imo.

Bin him, he's a knob. Women's Aid will help WRT the practicalities - obviously things vary depending on who owns the house, whether or not you are married, if you have DC with him, etc, but that's unacceptable.

he is saying this as he wants to scare the shit out of you, which is a form of emotional violence in my book.