Partner emotionally abused in the past, how do I help?

[Starberries]

I have been with my partner 2.5 years and we are recently married. Partner was emotionally abused by an ex which has left some serious scarring although we don't talk about it much (DP's request).

We have a happy relationship in most aspects but this ex causes issues when it comes to physical affection/sex. We are starting counseling in the New Year but I'm not sure what to say when DP doesn't feel confident and just won't listen when I say uplifting/complimentary/supportive things.

Anyone with experience of this?

Wait until you start the counselling.

You can't make him get over it, Starberries, he has to understand for himself what's happening. Very nice of you to try, though! You're the opportunity he needs

I'm the previously-abused partner and really didn't see, until I started therapy, how a whole system had been set up by my parents to make me feel rubbish. No matter how many compliments I received, they sounded like lies to me. It may not run as deep with your DP, but be prepared for a long trip anyway.

What you need to tell the counsellor is how he behaves in the situations that distress you, and how you feel about that. Don't try & analyse him, but do be as honest as you can.

Good luck: you're doing a very loving thing here, you both deserve to get the best out of it!