What is the 'norm' after 8 years???

[alibaabaa]

I have been with my DP for 8 years now. We have a 3 YO DD and a 7 MO DD.
He lives away during the week due to his job. when he returns at the w/e, I am annoyed until sunday - when he goes. I feel constant criticism from him about what I am doing with the girls!
He was from a very unloving family, so thinks that his family should come under the same regime!!
I find myself looking at him and seeing his father (shudder).
I sometimes feel that I should call it a day with him - and then DD1 shows me how much she loves Daddy.
Is it normal to feel very little for your DP?
Should you get on with it for the sake of the children?
My only saving grace is that I don't have to put up with him for 5 days a week!!!
I enjoy my time on my own with the girls and would never want to take their Father out of the frame - as I would feel very selfish - but I don't know what the answer is!!
I tried to speak to him today and asked him if he actually enjoyed the constant bickering - to which he responded 'oh, have you only just noticed'!!
Any advice please?

That's a tough one. Maybe your relationship is suffering because you don't spend much time together. DH and I did the live apart during the week thing and found it really hard (but I never sat there wishing for Sunday night to come around so he would go).

do you think its because you have got used to living by your rules all week, and doing things in your own time? Its hard living with someone else as it is, but if he is only there 2 days, I guess he wants to do as he plans rather than what you plan/always do.

I would sit down and talk about what you both want for the little time you have together. If he wants a tidy house but you want time together, its hard. Maybe he wants to spend time with you and girls but you want a hand with other things. Either way you have to talk, you cant go on as you are, and there is always a choice to make
HTH

I wonder if it's more because he has never parented 2 yound children full time??? He has no idea of what it's like and how you have to go with the flow so he feels his way is right (because he's a bit clueless?)

Not sure what you can do but somehow need to change the dynamics when he comes home for the weekend? Relate would be good but not sure if you can get weekend appts?

Personally I don't think the question is what is the norm after so many years of marriage. It's the children which massively change the status quo.

Sorry to hear you're having problems.

My DP and I have lived together now for 8 years. We have 1 DS who is 7 (and my DD who is 13). He also works away a lot, generally 2 days during the week and every weekend. Although I do love him lots, it can be very hard when he comes home and starts changing things or undermining my discipline with the DCs. I think it's because he feels that he has no say, so ends up over-doing it when he is here; asserting his authority if you like. If you can, I would try to talk to him about this, as it will only get worse if you don't sort it. Do you love him? If you have to think about it then I think the answer's probably no. But life is hard with young children and to find time to have fun with your other half can be really tough. Could you do a nice dinner for the next time he's home, just the two of you, and try to talk calmly about things?

You don't sound happy to me. Can he not be a parent to your kids at weekends without you having to be in a romantic relationship?

Thanks all - sorry for sounding so chuffing miserable on Boxing day!!
I think that the recent move from Jock land to Wales and then run up to christmas perhaps wore me out a little!! I didn't want to sound too self pitying.
Had a bit of a natter earlier and we agreed that we tend to be very stubborn. We are aware of the situation and are going to make a huge effort for the kids and us.
Thanks again everyone - think I just needed a whinge without it being my Mother.
Have a happy new year.