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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

can anyone help me sort out this friendship problem? sorry this is such a ridiculous one

6 replies

MitchyInge · 26/12/2009 20:55

This is a slightly mad piggy-in-the-middle situation I desperately need help with. Who do I believe?

So have a good working relationship with friends A and B, who I introduced my neighbour C to. C, A and B also start working and socialising together in a mutually supportive way, I am happy, we are all good pals running own businesses and scratching one another's backs.

Fast forward a few months and C starts to express dissatisfaction and unhappiness with A and B, but shares her feelings with me and others, not A and B themselves. I encourage her to take her complaints directly to them in order to resolve matters. C doesn't do this but continues talking about it to anyone who will listen, I and others alert A to the situation. A approaches C who gives a very different account of the reasons for her unhappiness than previously aired everywhere. C then severs a couple of major ties with A and B but ostensibly they all remain friends - except A and B withdraw support for C's business, slowly but very surely. C, although it is far from a live issue for her anymore, continues to complain to her friends and customers about A and B's business and of course this works its way back to A and B.

B's version of events kick off with her confronting C and asking her not to say damaging things about A and B's business, C at first denies it and then says it all started with me - which is a pack of lies - C goes on to try and implicate other people and when B was not convinced, C burst into tears and wailed 'my life is crap' or some such thing, says some things about me that I consider to be unkind, and they part company.

C volunteered her own side of the story which started with B telling her that I had passed on information about her making defamatory remarks about the business - none of it has anything to do with me. Don't understand why I have been dragged into it at all?

So, I know C is lying because have heard her making malicious comments about A and B. Does it follow that she is lying about everything else, and should I trust B's account? Am enmeshed personally and professionally with all 3 of these people, can't just disentangle myself entirely but am troubled by all this and don't understand why I got dragged into it, or know how far I can trust any of them?

OP posts:
Lifeinagoldfishbowl · 26/12/2009 20:58

I would stay out of it and continue friendships if you want to but without any of these issues mentioned etc.

kettlechip · 26/12/2009 21:02

From what you've posted, I'd say C has the issues and should be given a very wide berth. The fact that she's also dragging you in means you should extricate yourself as quickly as possible.

A and B don't sound to have done anything wrong at all.

Would it be out of the question for all of you to meet up and discuss this properly? Stops the she said, he said nonsense.

warthog · 26/12/2009 21:12

you are dragged in because you told B about what C was saying, and you introduced them all.

your best bet now is to stay well out of it. C is obviously causing trouble. stay on friendly, but professional terms with C, and do not be drawn into conversations about A and B. Change the subject. Don't talk to A and B about C anymore, and try to continue your friendship with them as before.

let this be a lesson learned - don't pass on gossip, don't talk to friends about friends.

fairycake123 · 26/12/2009 21:32

Yikes. Personally I'd be inclined to believe that C was confabulating but I think you have to trust your instinct. If you've known A and B for longer, and never had any weirdness with, I'd be inclined to think that the problem lies with C. That being said, I have no idea what you should actually do about it, C being your neighbour and all.

Plumm · 26/12/2009 22:40

Have you got anything to do with the businesses involved?

If not you can probably stay friends with A, B & C but if your business is being dragged into it you need to choose your friends and who you believe.

MitchyInge · 27/12/2009 10:31

thanks everyone for even attempting to plough through so much weirdness!

the moral is probably not to trust anyone too much, although am tempted to make a bit of an effort to see more of C as she lacks female friends and all this aside has been a wonderful friend to me - but will be careful to keep to neutral topics

obviously is hurtful either way - hurtful if it is true that she told lies to drive a wedge between me and the other two, hurtful if one of the other two is lying about it

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