Best custody arrangement for DS just four yrs

[Marinamerlot]

Does anyone have any idea of the impact of divorce on a v happy 4 year old boy? And also what the best arrangement would be for him with regarding to how many days he lives with each of us? I need to end this marriage but can't bear the impact it will have on my little boy. I know my H will fight hard to get week on/week off access and it breaks my heart to think of it. I of course want what is best for him but couldn't bear not to see him for half the time. Any one have any experience? thanks

my ex has zero contact due to his behaviour

yours will depend on lots......does ds go to school? when you split will you still be very close by? does your ds respond well to changes??

Hi = my Ds goes to school, I work part-time so do school run several times a week (H does one day). He works full time. DS doesn't like change and loves his mum and his daddy.

i think you need to keep things as they are now...as best you can. and maybe alternate weekends,half sch hols....all depends. you sound like you might still get on with your dh once you've split. good to keep it amicable

www.wikivorce.com is good,good forums

The advice I had when I split this year (DD is also 4) is that they are more interested in the child having stability. Therefore, if you are the primary caregiver it is most likely that he will live with you with alternate weekends and maybe one night a week with his Dad.

My ex lives too far away (45 minute to one hour drive) to do the weekly night, that could change if he chooses to move closer. She settled in very well to Daddy weekends and Mummy weekends.

He has her a week at Christmas and Easter and two weeks in the summer, as well as half the half-terms. I thought he would fight hard for access, but the compromises he would have to make in his work have made him, er, less motivated. He's already muttering about the amount of holidays. It's also great having them away for a while - I'm lying in bed typing this on my laptop.

IME children are often not as happy as they seem when parents are not getting on. I stayed much longer than I should have as I thought it would upset DD to leave her beloved Dad. But she is so much happier and settled.

IME, how much a divorce affects a child has a LOT to do with how the parents handle it. If you can keep things civil and continue some sort of friendship that will go a long way to helping.

I can honestly say, other than the fact they miss their Dad, my divorce hasn't had a negative effect on my children at all.