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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

not another MIL thread - FIL is the problem!

6 replies

windthebobbin · 25/12/2009 20:26

At PIL's now and been here since yesterday and every time I hope things will be different. I am increasingly getting to the stage where I do not want to talk to my FIL at all. It is not helped by the house being cold and I mean cold - like 10 degrees in our bedroom with 2 children under 2 and having to use electric heaters to get the room just up to 16 degrees. They have pots of money but "he doesn;t feel the cold" so hey no one else does so there is no heating in the rest of the house apart from an open fire in one room. Every time you ask him anything you get the "are you thick or what" type of response, what you do want to do that for, you know nothing etc etc. I am royally fed up of it. They came to help when we had our second child in may (ok yes they helped) but he was a pain in the arse the whole time - not closing doords, making a song and dance about putting the stairgate on, criticising how i parent and saying "i hope the children inherit your father's personality". I used to like him, used to think he could be amusing but now I think he is a bully who can criticise everyone else but never see any of his own failings. My confidence has gone seriously downhill in recent years partly as a result of his jibes and nastiness.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 25/12/2009 20:30

When are you due to leave? Is it a tradition that you go to ILs every year?.

What is MIL like, is she at all reasonable?
He certainly sounds like a bully; you have every right to leave earlier than planned.

Do something different next Christmas, do not go there.

What has your Husband said about these issues, has he tried talking to his parents?.

One thing that neither of you can do here (particularly him) is bury your heads in the sand.

Plumm · 26/12/2009 22:50

How does your DH feel about this - does he see his father is a bully?

deste · 27/12/2009 23:46

From an energy efficient advice line

24 and 27 degrees C. Hot reduce heat but stay warm.

18 and 21 degrees C Comfortable, do not adjust your heating.

15 degrees C Cool turn your heating up.

9 and 12 degrees C Cold danger of hypothermia.

lamg · 28/12/2009 20:20

Enough is enough, do not feel the need to visit again at Christmas or in winter at all.
No need to be insulting in your refusals A simple 'sorry, we are staying at home/visiting my sister this year etc. will suffice.
He sounds just vile to be honest. As for wanting the dc to have their dad's personality Let's hope your dh hasn't inherited his
Don't expose your DC to such mean behavior again. You deserve much more. Good Luck and take no more rudeness from him.

2rebecca · 28/12/2009 22:49

I'd refuse to go and let the children go if house that cold during the daytime, although if they're just turning off the heating at night then if you're in bed that should be fine. We turn all hesting off at night and there's snow here and it's minus 4 outside. I suspect it gets well below 10 degrees at night. If you have enough bedding then it shouldn't matter.
The first time I stayed with someone who kept their heating on at night I hated it and couldn't sleep.
The nastiness just sounds unpleasant, but again you need to sort this out with your husband. Why is he letting his dad bully you?

HappyNewYearFromKimi · 28/12/2009 23:02

DO NOT GO THERE AGAIN he is a prick idiot

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