should I call it a day

[hurtlady]

I have been married to by husband who is 12 years younger than me for 4 years, During time is attitude and behavour towards me as changed,
He keeps a pin on his mobile as in the past he has been phoning ladies and exchanging sexy text messages and I phoned out and challenged him about it.

I recently found email messages between him and ex girlfrends discussing the prospect if starting new realtionships. (he told them we were going through divorce).

We hardly speak unless it is to argue. When I ask him what does he want to continue the marriage he asks what do I want.

There is lots more like the realtionship between my teenage son and him. He constantly puts him down and never speks to him.

He works long hours with two jobs one as a doorman and makes excuses so as to not to go anyware with me.

I feel he wants me to make the move to end it but as the major breadwinner i have investged too much to walk away.

hurtlady

What a stressful place to be in - I can't offer you any brilliant advice - but it does seem that he is taking advantage of your good nature . Do you want the rest of you life to be this stressful? He seems to want you to make all the decsions - and it looks like you'll have to unfortunately. I really hope things get better.Best wishes

Thanks for the reply Finbar.

You got me thinking when you said I am in a stress place.

Stress is a dangerous thing it can make you very ill.

I relly need to look at my options maybe seek legal advice .

You are right he is taking advantage.

Thanks agian

Sorry to hear this hurtlady. Cyberhugs to you.
Finbar is right it must be very stressful being in your situation.
You sound so unhappy and even though you have investaged (sp?) alot in the relationship you do not deserve to be treated like this or your son by NO-ONE. Think about what you want and go for it. But dont put up with the c**p. I hope everything works out o.k for you and your son.

Hi Doormat

Cyberhugs to you too? and to anyone else who read my message.

Your words of encouragment means a lot.

hurtlady fancy a bit of a chat,in chat?

yes hurtlady

HOnestly? I don't think this has a future. You have the money, so don't throw good money after bad. I would hardly ever recommend ending a relationship, particularly a marriage, but I found what you said about his relationship between your teenage son and him worrying - your son has to come first. It must be hurtful for him to be treated like this. He isn't really in a marriage from the sound of things, I suspect that if you were make a move to end things you might actually feel relieved. what's holding you back?

i agree,hes not really worth it and you dont want your son to grow up thinking that`s how you treat women,why do you have to walk away?tell him to leave

Hi Hurtlady, sorry but this does sound like a pretty irretrievable situation unless he is prepared to talk about it. Have you tried sitting down and talking it through?

It sounds to me like you would be happier on your own with your son.

After one failed marriage myself, my motto is "life is not a dress rehersal" If you are unhappy, your family is unhappy and you feel that your relationship is beyond repair - what are your options - in or out! You need to decide if your relationship is worth working at, or not. Would your life be better for all concerned without him? Only you can make that decision and you will need to be brave to do so.

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck, and happiness.

Poor Hurtlady - you sound so sad. You're worth more than that. His behaviour's not on.

Agree 100% (mmm, that's a lovely message).

Ordinarily I believe that as far as relationships are concerned you should try and try again. But hurtlady, this situation sounds unsustainable to me. In fact it sounds very much like he has decided he wants to end it, but is trying to provoke you into actually ending it either because he is too much of a coward, or thinks he will get a better settlement or something.

Your happiness is worth more than any investment.

dear hurtlady, as you tell it, there doesn't seem much reason to work at the marriage any more. But what you say in your message might be only the tip of the iceburg. It sounds like you and your husband had a good relationship once.

I do hope that your husband isn't intimidating you or your son. Do you feel frightened of his reaction if you ask him to leave? would you feel threatened by him if you went it alone?

It also sounds like you need legal advice as well just to see what are the financial implications for you of breaking up.

agree - mmm thats a lovely message.

Thank you for all your advice.

Things came to a head on Sunday. and My family mediated a meeting between us.

It would seem that he sees nothing wrong with
his behviour and blames it on silly things like My son not completing his chores on time and me wanting more of his time.

He says needs to work all these long hours so he can go on holiday on his own , buy a new car for himself and do things around the house.

As you can see it is really make up your mind time. He has agreed to make an apointment at Counselling by the end of the week.

For myself I have arranged counselling and made an appointment at solictors to see where I stand.
Thanks to you all for your comments. I would not have had the courage to stop moaning and doing somthing about the situation if it was not for your encouragement.

I will keep you all posted
Cyber Huggggggggs to you allllllllll

good luck with everything!!xxx

hurtlady, I admire your ability to take this situation by the horns and get it sorted out. It is great that your family mediated a meeting and you may find that the counselling will be help to get you both talking to each other, rather than just arguing.
I wish you well with whatever you decide to do.

Well done Hurtlady. I'm so glad you were able to act.xxxx

Hurtlady - has the situation changed? I hope things are better now.