Could my friend's H make a fuss about this in divorce procedings?

[emeraldgirl1]

If he has been very annoyed with the amount of time their son spends with the grandparents (ie my friend's parents) and has been quite adamant that he does not want him spending time with them, could he use the fact that my friend has largely ignored him on this as some kind of a protest during divorce proceedings?

A quick bit of b/g, the grandparents are loving, stable, willing and able to provide childcare and support, and the H's problem with them is, from anyone's perspective but his own, entirely unreasonable.

But he is the father, and if his wishes, albeit totally unreasonable, have been pretty much ignored then could he use this against my friend during the divorce proceedings?

I'm pretty ignorant about all of this and am trying to keep my friend calm as she comes up with worry after worry...

Oh, and if he refuses to move out of the house, what can she do? I'm worried that if she is the one to move out, taking the child with her, her H might start causing a fuss about how his child has been taken from him - claiming kidnap even. I know this all sounds ultra dramatic, but things are very much in that horrible uncertain phase where all terrible things seem possible...

He can certainly make a fuss about it but this will not be taken into consideration when deciding who the child lives with.

gnerally, the child lives with the mother unless both parents decide otherwise or is GROSSLY unsuitable. As in - SS intervention level of unsuitable.

If he refuses to move out, she can certainly move herself and the child elsewhere and this will not be kidnap if she is the main carer.

Is he divorcing her? Is he talking about using this as one of his unreasonable behaviour "examples"(you generally need 5 "examples"). Perhaps he's saying that she has kept his son away from him? If they've both decided they want a divorce then it almost doesn't matter what either party put in the petition and some people do just put anything in to make it look bad.

She's divorcing him (at least, she will be if she gets the courage to sit down and tell him that before he sits down and tells her something similar - I'm only hearing what she's planning, obviously, but I have a suspicion he may be gearing up for something similar himself).

I'm really totally ignorant, I had no idea IndigoSky that you need 5 examples. I know she has plenty but I think he is storing up pretty much everything he can throw at her too. Could he counter-sue for divorce? Or refuse to grant her one? Forgive my total ignorance!!

Thanks coldtits, that puts my mind at rest on that front at least. It wouldn't even be far away that she'd move. And I think everyone is hoping he does the sensible thing and moves out himself, though I fear this may not be the case at all.

didn't know that you needed 5 examples,tho saying that can't really remember much about my petition
emeraldgirl1 your friend should not feel worried about starting divorce proceedings as long as she has a good solicitor representing her
it also might be worth mentioning mediation to her which will not only save alot of too-ing and fro-ing and money but will be the basis for the consent order
altho finances are extremely important agreeing arrangements re:the dcs are key
wishing her all the best

tell her to try www.wikivorce.com a good site for both divorce and child residency....the forums are good there

thank you seriouslyblonde!! I'm probably a bit over-involved but am just trying to be as supportive as poss, things are genuinely horrendous for my friend atm. I think things will get better when she has more clarity and as much info at her fingertips as possible. Her H can be very manipulative and guilt-trippy, so I think it's always better to know everything you need to know before people start getting under your skin and/or making threats.

He's already given a strong impression that he might refuse to leave the house and also seems to be under the impression that, if they divorce, he will get their child for literally 50% of the week; the early advice my friend has taken suggests that the norm is for every other weekend plus one mid-week visit.

Oh, thanks Tiffany, good tip

Echo the suggestion of mediation, definitely. Also, it may be that he doesn't want to move out until things are agreed re the kids, as for men, as soon as they move out, they are deemed to have 'left' the children and the mother automatically becomes the 'main' carer.

It depends why he objects to g/p's as carers, and certainly if the alternative he proposes is that he looks after the kids, (ie a 50/50 arrangement) then he takes precedence over grandparents. Also if there is a build up of issues in which mother has ignored father's wishes for their children, then the court would look at that. But really these don't sound like what you are describing.

Things often look very bleak at the beginning - in most cases they get easier and I hope that's the case for your friend.

She can ask him to move out but he can refuse, in which case she might have to find somewhere else to live with her child.
Eventually (assuming he is still in the house) he will either have to sell it or pay her her due share without selling if he can afford it. Sometimes the judge may rule that she can move back in with dc and her ex will have to leave.