When it comes to it does anyne find that blood is thicker than water and DH will always be on his parents side and viewpoint ?

[CaptainUnderpants]

even though a few days a go he was moaning about them and when you have your say he changes his tune .

How do you deal with it ?

Do you mean when he moans about them, that's ok in his opinion, but as soon as you join in, he starts backing them up and defending them?

Wait five years and hope they die?

Seriously I have no idea. However I do know that now, five years down the line, and with two DC under my belt so to speak, I get more credence than them and DH is suddenly aware of their insanity differences.

Actually on a practical level try only saying things about them very objectively in an observing fashion: 'your mum commented on my casserole, saying it tasted like catfood.That's terribly interesting isn't it, how people can have such different tastes?'

Hopefully to be followed by 'no, that's utter shit, what a silly woman!' by your DH.

yes sparklefrog - that's it . it doesn't help that we are off to spend xmas with them for the umpteenth time and basically I am getting bored with it .

But I say to him that hsi mother made a comment 'so and so etc , and he responds 'what a silly mare' but would never do that to her face ! leaving me feel rather isolated at times .

Remember that he's had years of ignoring her petty comments, whereas you haven't. I went down the 'happy, happy, joy, joy!' method where I was deliriously jolly and positive and my MiL just gave up being horrid because it was like babywiping a pig, each time she tried I'd just be nicer and nicer until she felt like a witch and gave up.

We must be wierd, I get on better with ILs than dh. He would def stick up for me over them any day of the week.

My Mil has a face liked a slapped arse most fo the time and is only ever happy when in her house and she is the centre of attention and the martyr hostess - doing all the cooking for everyine etc - when I've done it ion the past she just sits there with a face like a cats arse.

Sorry to moan but i need to get some things off my chest before we go and see them otherwise it will just brew up inside me nad explode on Christmas Day just when she is putting her veggie option on her plate whilst we all tuck into some stuffed bird !

Def think whomoved approach is the one to take.

Play MIL bigo?

Feel free to vent here CU and hold onto the fact that she is making you look like a fecking saint by not killing her

Yes will try that method to get me through Christmas - will be very jolly and not say a word out of place so I cannot be blamed for any fallout .

My Mum died a couple of years ago and she has two daughters and I really do feel left out at christmas - i know I am not her daughter but sometimes she makes it so obvious .

By 'she' I mean MIL has two daughters .

I feel a bit like that. Am estranged from my family

SIL & dh an absolute huge piles of presents each me with my one.....it does hurt that I'm still an outsider after 10 years.

Outsider - yes thats what it feels like - and I am after 15 yrs !

My mantra this christmas will be 'jolly jolly jolly '

At least mine are jolly and easy going for which I am truly thankful and they love the dds without being overbearing etc

my INLS can be so judgemental at times and seem to be constantly bitching about what everyone in the family has done or hasn't done.

When they are with us they have a go about dH siblings so god knows what they say about us and they always fall out with his other siblings for one reason or other . My Dh , soory to say typical male in this respect, puts his head in the sand. I dont say anything because I know I will not be backed up.

Absolutely true -- that he has had years of tuning out MIL, wmmc. Last Christmas for instance, DP was ill, DS was being B/F and think DD was just being 2 years old. So, I did everything with zero help, and at the end, mil said, 'oh well, it was a good effort...' I was fuming and asked DP if he heard the various barbed comments, 'your roast potatoes are like chips,' 'oh, couldn't you get the wine I like...' and he said, 'no, wasn't listening all day...'

Oh I really dont want to go there this christmas and would dearly love to be in my own home - doing what I want to do and watching what I want to watch and dealing with my children the way I want to deal with them not be constantly under the microscope.

On the odd occasions he does moan about them I tend to make non committal noises rather than join in.

Because if I get started...

Why are you going to her house for Christmas. There is no way I'd spend Christmas with mine.

Surely your husband won't be too unhappy about having to duck the fallout over Christmas.

My mil sounds quite similar and there is no winning with these people. I would recommend the killing with niceness approach, has always worked with me.

If she manipulates everything and is a gossip and a liar then you will not win so the best option is just to disconnect totally. I have disconnected from mine and I cannot recommend it highly enough. I would say that I only disconnected after a decade of banging my head against a brick wall.

BUT first things first - stop going to their house for Christmas.

I have told DH that i would liek to do something different next year and I have been looking at cottages etc. We have never had a hristmas just the four of us.

DH excuse ' I can't think that far ahead !'

Well if we want to go away we will have to.

I am just going to keep me head down over Christmas and let DH see it for what he is and then perhaps we will discuss it when we get home.