I was about to say that they were remarkably unsupportive until I read this "I was knackered and they didn't want to catch the tummy bug off dd but I needed a hand"
Then I read the post again and saw this: "I was working miles away so they came to pick me up in the car."
and this "When I was pregnant I was abandned by dd's dad as some of you all know. It was agreed that I would go back to mum and dad's which I was greatful for"
So, if I were you, I wouldn't allow myself to well on my own pitty. They have been there for you, they may not know how to support you, they may have done terrible things, but they are still there for you: You had a roof when you need it, they picked you up when you were in trouble, and from the first phrase I quoted above, it is my impression that they regularly help you, even in small ways, to care for your DD.
I know that MANY of us single mums don't have such kind of support. So, patchy, defective or whatever, the support is still there.
I'm telling you this to help, even if may not look very sympathetic. Don't be a victim, it disempowers you and you certainly bloody need that power to be a single mum, you can't allow yourself to feel pity for yourself because it will hurt you, it won't help you and can make the matters way way worse. (passing the advice that has kept me sane over the last few years)
If you need independance from them, build it gradually until you don't need to rely on them anymore. But while it is unavoidable for them to be in your life you can do two things: to sort the matter or to try not to give much importance to it. Whatever makes you feel happier. Wallowing on the past negative experiences may be something that you may explore when you are independant but not at the time you need and use their help.