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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My mum kicked me when I was pregnant- so why do I feel like sucha crap daughter?

14 replies

poshsinglemum · 21/12/2009 12:57

Long sorry.

When I was pregnant I was abandned by dd's dad as some of you all know. It was agreed that I would go back to mum and dad's which I was greatful for.
I was working miles away so they came to pick me up in the car. Mum was sitting behind me and I was in the front passenger seat. We have never had a great relationship and we had one of our usual rows and she kicked my back through the passenger seat (not really hard but quite firmly) and told me bitterly that I ''always take over''. I was horrified as I was worried that it would induce labour but luckily it didn't.
I think it was just the nasty gesture that hurt and a realisation that my mum thought that I only came back to them to grab attention. I have now moved out.

I am staying at theirs this Christmas and last night dd was up all night with a tummy bug. We had another argument today as I was knackered and they didn't want to catch the tummy bug off dd but I needed a hand. My dad and mum against me. They always make me feel like that I'm such a shitty daughter for having a go at them but then I remember incidents like me being kicked.

It's not just me is it? Relationships take two don't they? I know I can be awful to them but my mum was ill when I was a baby and we didn't bond properly. I have too much resntment baout my childhood and i keeps manifesting in arguments.

I have only touched the tip of the iceberg but I am too drained to go into great detail.

OP posts:
poshsinglemum · 21/12/2009 12:58

I even feel like a nasty daughter for starting this thread.

OP posts:
FabIsGettingReadyForXmas · 21/12/2009 12:59

That is totally unacceptable and I would not be spending Christmas with them, seriously.

poshsinglemum · 21/12/2009 13:02

They love dd and I love them and tbh I don't want to spend Christmas alone.
She did it when I was pregnant about two years ago so it's water under the bridghe to them. I was vulnerable and had nowhere else to go.
I still feel vulnerable.
I am always trying to get my dad;s approval but he's 'emotionally distant'. Has not told mum he loves her for 30 yeras or me for that matter. He has no problem showing affection to dd but ignores me or treats me like a thorn in his side. He's dissapointed ine me I think.

OP posts:
FabIsGettingReadyForXmas · 21/12/2009 13:10

You are only hurting yourself as he is never going to be the dad you want him to be and he doesn't seem bothered how you feel. Or maybe you have never talked to them about it.

Mongolia · 21/12/2009 13:16

I was about to say that they were remarkably unsupportive until I read this "I was knackered and they didn't want to catch the tummy bug off dd but I needed a hand"

Then I read the post again and saw this: "I was working miles away so they came to pick me up in the car."

and this "When I was pregnant I was abandned by dd's dad as some of you all know. It was agreed that I would go back to mum and dad's which I was greatful for"

So, if I were you, I wouldn't allow myself to well on my own pitty. They have been there for you, they may not know how to support you, they may have done terrible things, but they are still there for you: You had a roof when you need it, they picked you up when you were in trouble, and from the first phrase I quoted above, it is my impression that they regularly help you, even in small ways, to care for your DD.

I know that MANY of us single mums don't have such kind of support. So, patchy, defective or whatever, the support is still there.

I'm telling you this to help, even if may not look very sympathetic. Don't be a victim, it disempowers you and you certainly bloody need that power to be a single mum, you can't allow yourself to feel pity for yourself because it will hurt you, it won't help you and can make the matters way way worse. (passing the advice that has kept me sane over the last few years)

If you need independance from them, build it gradually until you don't need to rely on them anymore. But while it is unavoidable for them to be in your life you can do two things: to sort the matter or to try not to give much importance to it. Whatever makes you feel happier. Wallowing on the past negative experiences may be something that you may explore when you are independant but not at the time you need and use their help.

Mongolia · 21/12/2009 13:20

By the way, since I expected my parents to be the image I had of what good parents should be, my relationship with them improved considerably. The moment I stopped expecting things from them, every single positive gesture counted. I'm feeling better about myself and whatever mishapps in the relationship with them, it doesn't affect me anymore.

SleighBelleDameSansMerci · 21/12/2009 13:20

Posh, this is the kind of thing that people spend years on therapy trying to overcome... It's just awful for you and I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this.

Someone did once give me some advice about my father which was that he's never going to be the dad I want so just accept him as he is and cope with that the best way I can. It sounds very simple but it's hard to do. It has helped me though as I have stopped looking for something I've never going to find.

I've read some of your posts and comments on here and you sound like a very together and caring lady. I think your caring nature may not be on your side on this one though - you seem to be feeling guilty when, really, you have no reason to do so.

windthebobbin · 21/12/2009 13:23

I would agree with the last post - I no longer have any contact with my family for a variety of reasons and it is hard. Do you have any siblings? If you mom and dad are generally of help to you and are good to your duaghter then you need to put your feelings to one side - it is your daughter who is most important now and I don't know what relationship she has with her father but it sounds like you need all the support you can get. I do not have a great relationship with my inlaws at times and they can be spiteful and hurtful in the things they say and do but I need to move on - it is not the same as mother and father and I can understand a little of how hurt you must feel to be rejected by your own mother as I was too in a way.

Don't dwell and don't be bitter - your daughter needs you to do the very best for her that you can.

diddl · 21/12/2009 13:35

I would rather spend Christmas "alone" with my child tbh!

And some of us in relationships don´t "get a hand" all the time!

My children are invariably ill in the week when husband is a work!

But you know,your parents have done a lot for you!

As soon as my sister had her child, she played the "grandchild" card.

My parents bent over backwards for her-and she expected them to as she had the grandchild.

PSM not saying you are like this, but my parents felt that if they didn´t do what was asked/demanded, they risked missing out on their grandchild.

So everything may not have been done in the best of spirits iyswim.

poshsinglemum · 21/12/2009 14:20

I know they do a lot forme but there are always strings attached aren't there.

they will pick me up and take me home as long as there's a kick in the back and a snide comment to let me know how much trouble I am causing.

They will let me stay over Christmas again as long as I know how much trouble I am causing.

TBH _ I would rather either

a) Have help BECAUSE they love me and want to be my parents. I hope when dd is older I will give as willingly to her as I do now.
b) Have a supportive partner and no help from anyone else.
c) Have no help at all but know that at least I don't have to feel crap abaout
asking for it.

I think that kicking a pregnant lady is dowright dangerous tbh and that's why I am annoyed. Every time they try and makeme feel crap about what I do I am reminded of all the help with knobs on that just seems to give evryone cate blanche to abuse each other.

My mum had bipolar when I was small so I have lost count of the times I have had to llok after her.

Most of the year btw I live on my own and enjoy it. I came here because I wanted to feel they could enjoy Christmas.

What's the grandchild card?

I feel like everyone on here thinks that I expects huge aounts of help from my parents. I only came here because I thought the family would be good together at Christmas.

Mabve us families shouldn't help each other at all and then there is no emotional blackmail involved. Everyone should live in isolated nuclear families and just get on with it. I'm sorry but I think society has come to a sad stage when now that is definately the case and I think that we ALL suffer for it.

OP posts:
justaboutisfatandtired · 21/12/2009 14:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

poshsinglemum · 21/12/2009 14:35

Sorry about the rant everyone.

I am not going to spend Christmas in self pity.

They do a lot for me. I AM grateful even though sometimes I come across as not.

They are old and I know there is a limit.

Mum is bipolar so it's not easy for her. We all love dd and I hope we can get along for her sake. Mum often acts then regrets it.

I try to do it all myself at times but I am so damn ehausted. I ha dsaid tummy bug on Friday night. I havn't had one for years and I forgot how draining they are. It's going round at playgroup.

I hate relying on them but no woman is an island and I need some support now and again.

Anyway no hard feelings.

OP posts:
Mongolia · 21/12/2009 14:36

Did she kick you or did she kick the back of your seat? both aggressive gestures no doubt, and unacceptable, but there is a HUGE difference between them.

You said she was bipolar, as far as I know that is a condition that doesn't go away. Is there any possibility that it may have been "flaring" at the time she was nasty to you?

Mongolia · 21/12/2009 14:37

Sorry, crossposted.

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