Ideas on how to get hubby to help more

[t875]

This is getting more and more frustrating, i have been married to my husband for over 12 years and its got more and more since the kids and the last few years.

I feel I have to think of everything, do everything, he will do small things if i ask him but this is getting me p'd off big time that he does nothing off his own back, i get frustrated big time, if the kids row i feel he leaves it to me all the time to chestise them if needed of to even talk to them about the emotional issues.

Its getting bad now as I cant talk more about my feelings without getting the hump.

I love him and we do get on great, but i wish he would help out more and do things off his own back.

Would be grateful for any help/advise.

Ask him.

Do a rota.

Tell him xyz needs doing and if he isn't going to do it he needs to pay someone else to do it as you are not his slave.

I would imagine its not a conscience thing on his part, its just that as you do do everything and have probably started doing more and more over the years he's just let you carry on with it, you need to ask him to do more

I doubt he will ever just do things off his own back as men's prorities round the home are for the most part different to ours, so if you want something doing just tell him and i bet he will do it without question, if he does moan about it just stop doing the things that you do

yeah was thinking rota, but i honestly think he will just do it for a bit then stop. Its my fault as i have been just getting on with it, but its just getting to the stage now where i have spoke to him about it and there doesnt seem to be much change.

Do you have to ask your partner/husband fab? Or does he do it off his own back to help you?

Thanks for your advise

Stop being a martyr. If you get on great, you should have no problems communicating effectively with each other about this. Talk to him!

Okay, this will make us sound total geeks, but what helps me, and also DH, is to do one of those mind map thingys. DH found some free software emindmap to download from the internet that lets you do them on the computer. What works for us is to pop all the things that are worrying us down onto the computer and then, if we have questions, we can work out how to get the answers to them.

Also, is it possible that you're worried to talk to him about your feelings because you're worried he might have some feelings of his own that he's not been sharing with you?

DH does anything that needs doing as well as things I ask him too if I am doing something else or just want a sit down.

isitmeorsanta- Its been a while now and i have tried talking to him about this.

I actually think life is pretty cushty for him tbh and he is taking the p he gets to do all he wants. Its getting worse as the years go on, the other poster is right, im no slave and i wont be.

and I also have stopped doing as much as i was.

I dont expect him to do everything either as that also wouldnt be fair. But he does nothing off his own back.

I think the rota thing seems the way forward so were give that a go.

Thanks for your advise and hope you all have a great christmas

lol t875, sounds like I'm way off the mark. Rota sounds worth a try - anything that will get him to acknowledge the issue really.

Hope you have a lovely Christmas too!

Thanks Isitme for your advise. I think a big boot or a rocket might also be worth a try!