Weird Family Thing

[AWeirdFamilyThing]

Don't know what I expect from posting this but here goes anyway.

I have no relationship with my mother or with anyone from her side of the family. Far too long a story to go into. She and my dad are divorced, mother remarried and dad has a gf.

So, was on the phone to dads gf the other night talking about baking and she said "Do you remember when XXXXXX (mothers husband) used to make all that confectionery, he was such a great cook"

I said "yes, I used to love his cakes and macaroon"

Then dads gf went quiet and quickly changed the subject. So, I am wondering if my mothers husband has passed away and that nobody has told me. It was the way dads gf was talking, all past tense and she sounded sort of sad. It's the kind of thing my dad would tell me, unless of course my mother has told him not to....which at the end of the day is fair enough since we don't have any kind of relationship.

I don't know, I think I feel a bit confused or something. Should I ask my dad if mothers DH is ok? Or let sleeping dogs lie?

You see I don't want to go prodding and getting into any dialogue with my mother AT ALL, but at the same time I feel like I want to know if what I think, is true. I don;t know what difference knowing might make.

Despite the horrendous situation with my mother, her husband is/was a very nice man. I don't know, I just feel all funny about it.

It doesn't sound as if asking your dad would open that much of a can of worms, assuming he knows you are not in touch with your mother? Are you worried he would tell her you had been asking?

You could try paying a fee (typically around £5) to search the death records? This is an example of a site - I have no idea whether this one is any good. Be careful about how recent the records they give access to are.

Best wishes.

Why don't you just ask? She's your mother, even if you don't get on. It's more likely they've split up than he's died IYSWIM. Or maybe they've fallen out with your dad's GF as well?

Could you not ask her outright?

I found out my Gran had died by paying £7.50 (as this was a certain time after her death) to get the death certificate.

You phone the registrar, give as many details as you can and they tell you if that person is on the database.

I can't ask my mother, am not in any contact with her and don't want to be, not for any reason. I doubt very much they would have split up.

I think I shall try the register, I'd not thought of that at all so thanks very much for that suggestion, really appreciate it.

I meant ask your dad's girlfriend.

If you e-mail me I could look up on the Ancestry website for you (I have a subscription as I'm researching my family tree). I also have credits for tracesmart so could find out if he is still on the electoral roll, and if so whether he is still living with your Mum.

My e-mail is hkf dot ips at btopenworld dot com if you want to get in touch.