Just found out husband cheating.

[Babyramone]

Won't go in to too much detail but DH cheated about 3 months ago. Anyway had chat and both decied needed to try and make it work. Both agreed needed to change and what we expected from each other. One of mine was to try and restore sex life. (have very poor sex drive)
His to stop drinking in house.
Tbh this hasn't happened but this esp for me will take time.

Amyway he ended affair. Was seeing lonely Married Mum of 3.
We have 2 children
He had also had one night stand with a other girl (no kids)

Today I found out he still seeing one night stand girl. Looked at his mobile (wrong I know but had suspicions)

Anyway Marriage effectively over but What the hell do I do.

Probably sounds shallow but it's under a week til christmas and I so don't want to ruin it for kids.

Bumping

Sorry you have to go thru this. I don't have any amazing advice but bumping again for you.

Does he know you have found out he is still seeing someone?

have you told him its over/

be polite and civil,hard i know,then once christmas is over,put plans into action. you've got time to think things through and the kids still get xmas undisturbed.

appreciate its hard to keep things normal tho

Given that your H was having an affair and had also had a one night stand, I am not surprised you had suspicions and decided to check his phone. His previous behaviour was hardly trustworthy.

Neither am I surprised that it is taking you time to restore your sex drive...if you'd been having problems before you'd found out about his infidelities then no wonder you don't really feel like it now!

It does not sound shallow about Christmas - you have two children to consider and a family breakup just before Christmas must feel devastating.

Does your H know that you know about his 2nd affair?

I want so much to be able to wave a magic wand and make this all better, tell you what you should do. But only you can truly know that. Do you have family or friends you can go to over Christmas? Try and have a big gathering so that H's absence doesn't feel so stark?

I am so sorry you are going through this and I hope that someone far wiser comes along and gives you some better advice than I am able.

If it was me, depending on the age of the children, I'd tell him it's over, but to stay and get xmas out of the way and leave on the 27th. You want to start 2010 as the single mum you now are. A fresh year and a fresh start.

Horrible thing for you to go through and you're probably feeling fairly numb.

If the kids are very young, I'd tell him to go, he can come back and stay xmas eve if he so wishes so that the children can wake up with him there, but that from Boxing day, he is no long part of your life other than to be the father of your children.

He sounds like such a selfish pathetic excuse for a man. Poor you- especially at xmas.

Thank you all for your kind words. I think you're all right and it's over. Tbh has been for long time.
My kids are 6 and 3 so want to keep it as peaceful as possible til after at least.

Bloody Bastard I f@&%ing hate him.

I feel totally numb.

Have pretty much no where to go. My mum has early onset dementia (she's only 61) and my dad is a mess!

However he has a flat.

Think he'll be spending time there.

Thank you again.

Going to contact CAB on monday.

He doesn't know I know yet.

get your shit together before you tell him you know.

sort the finances out.

get yerself all the spare cash

So sorry you need to deal with this. He sounds like a total prat btw. Get yourself sorted on Monday - know yoru rights, get your money sorted as Custy said (not to spite him, but to make sure your children are looked after). Get all your options clear, and then make your move about the break up. If he has a flat, then tell him he has a few days to get through Christmas, and then he's gone, to his flat or his fancywoman - whatever.

I think the advice from the others is good about starting the year with a clean slate, and being as unemotional with him as possible. It's not the first time he has done it, and he WOULD do it again. You know that. So do you and your kids a favour and get away from the selfish man

at this point he doesn't care about you and has no respect for you.

you should also think about getting yourself down the clinic to get checked

Thanks again.

Working tomorrow so at least won't have to look at him.

Luckily for me Custy haven't slept together this year. (his excuse for first affair)

Scared but looking to the new year with my lovely kids.

great stuff. good luck.

Thanks :O)

Off to bed now.

Hope you're feeling ok today Babyramone .

Would suggest that when you go to CAB you talk to them also about getting a free hour with a solicitor. Admittedly not probably possible or even necessary pre-Xmas but when you do get to a solicitor you'll get some useful info which will help you to start feeling a bit safer and more enmpowered.

In the meantime, try to keep your spirits up as much as possible and go and see some RL friends who may be able to offer a duvet afternoon.

It may all feel rubbish, but remember that you're in the right here and that he's made some bad choices. So keep your head held high.