I know I shouldn't be upset but I am.

[fifibel]

Ever since dd was born 3 years ago and ds one year ago, FIL hasn't taken any family photos of us with the dc's, I mean just the four of us, in fact he hasn't taken one of me full stop. I'm in the background of a few, they are ones which I didn't know he was taking, eg my backs to the camera or I'm just on the edge of the photo. The last photo's of me were taken at our wedding 6 years ago. Of course he has photos of everyone else with the dc's.

I have come to accept this however, what has upset me is, dh has been sorting his dads computer out and we were just looking at some photos he had on it (there are hundreds of the dc's). Dh then went to so something else so I carried on looking at the photos and there were quite a few with BIL and girlfriend posing with dd (this was when in-laws have looked after her in the past and BIL and girlfriend have obvoiusly also gone to visit). To any outsider this actually looks like they are the parents.

I've not said anything to dh yet but its really upset me and annoyed me. I will probably say something to dh though I think, don't think he's seen these photos yet.

I've mentioned it to my mum in the past just in conversation about him ignoring me when he's taking photos and she actually witnessed him do it at dd's nativity play last week. FIL waited until I was out of the way and took a photo of dd with dh.

I am not vain by any means and obviously don't expect to be in every photo but I really don't know why he's doing this, I'm positive I've not upset him in anyway and we've always got on with each other.

Dh is aware and once asked his dad to take a photo of me with dd (before ds was born) and he made an excuse that his battery was flat.

Should I be upset by this or just let it go over my head.

We have had a family photo done for them in the past, so maybe thats why, I really don't know.

With it coming up to Christmas I'm going to be excluded again when all dh's family come round Christmas day morning.

How bizarre. Thing is tho they are your children aqnd if FIL doesnt take pics with you just get someone else to do it.

Sounds like your real issue here is that you feel you are somehow being excluded. But I dont see how your in laws can do this successfully without your H somehow allowing it. Maybe you should watch what your H does in these situations and if you find instances where he is undermining you or justy not supporting you or including you then he would be the best person to take this up with.

I've seen in laws do this...it's because they are interested in their own child and the grandchildren and that's it. I don't know why some people feel that way but I very much doubt it's anything you have done. It's an insular family thing.

I think you just have to get on with it. Get a self timer on your camera so you can take family photos yourself or ask someone else to take them.

nowt as queer as folk

That really is odd.

So odd in fact that I think the only way to deal with it is to make it into a big joke and openly slag your fil for never photographing you - make cracks about him not wanting to steal your soul etc.

Don't take it personally, it's too crackers.

MIL is a bit like this and we don't have kids yet. Fox is right. It is annoying though. My way to deal with it is to treat people the way they treat you. In our house we have plenty of photos in frames of DH and I with my family but none of MIL....fair is fair and it doesn't bother me anymore.

You won't change FIL and by telling him it upsets you, he may feel that he has scored a little point so just suck it up and ignore.

Well I can´t believe your husband has never said anything about including you tbh.

That would bother me more I think.

My ILs only have pics of the children that we have sent them.

And I can count on one hand the pics I have of ILs-and I don´t need all the fingers!

Its something your DH needs to raise... if it really bothers you (and it sounds like it does) you need to get your DH batting for you and making it clear that you are important to him and that his fathers behaviour is extraordinarily rude.