My 18year old brother has no one to spend xmas with....

[namechanger555]

Have namechanged for this as my family can be embarressing....

So my family background - my mum does not speak to my younger brother, older sister or dad. She as got a new partner who they are not happy about so now none of them speak to each other.

I live at home with my mum. So was planning to spend xmas at home with her.

Mydad has gone to another country just before xmas and is unsure of when he will be back, but will be away for xmas.

My older sister is going to another part of england to spend xmas with friends.

So that leaves my 18year old brother alone for xmas. He has only got one close friend but thinks he will be spending xmas with his own family. So he has no plans atall for xmas.

If I lived alone it would not be a problem as he could spend the day with me and my little one and have a nice family day, even if it is just 3 of us...

I'm annoyed with my dad as I feel if it was me I would have stuck around untill after xmas so that my child would not be alone. Also I am annoyed with my mum as they should never have fell out and my brother should be feeling comfortable to spend the day with her.

I cannot mention it to my mum as the other side of my family are always telling me not to tell her anything about them. So now I am worrying about my brother.

I have asked him if there is anyway he would speak to my mum and spend xmas with us but he said no way. He feels strongly that he does not want to speak to her again. And it has been about 3 years or more now.

Not sure if anyone can suggest anything, but just wanted to get it out really.

I'm thinking I could take my brother out for xmas dinner but even then that will only be a few hours and the rest of the day he will spend alone.

Go and have christmas with him. Your mum has her partner.

second having christmas with brother.. as mum has partner.

agreed. spend it with him.

or are there any other friends he could go to....i think if my lad told me he had a pal who had no where to go id suggest coming here.

Does he live wiwth you dad then?

I would definitely spend it with you brother.

No he has no ther friends that he is close to, and also I feel that he should be with his family not friends on xmas day.

When I was 18 I spent xmas day at my friends house and they were lovely but I felt like an outside and abit upset...

I caould take him out for xmas dinner but what happens after that? I will have to take him back to his place with is a shared house and not very nice. And he will have to stay in alone all night...

I just feel like crying for him TBH. And eel upset that him and my mum are not talking and think things would be so much better if they were.

I'm not sure if I should try to make them bump into each other by accident. But he would prob know it was a setup and go crazy at me.

ggirl - Sorry didnt see ur post. No he lives in a shared house which is not very nice or homley. So me and my little one would not feel comfortable spending the whole day at his house, after dinner if we went out...

Any chance you can ask your dad if you can go round to his place while he's away so you and your bro can cook christmas dinner together? When I was 18 Christmas Eve was spent down the pub so he might have a hangover to keep him busy in the morning while you open presents with your mum and LO and then meet him round your dad's?

Good idea about asking your Dad if you can use his place.

You sound lovely and having a younger brother myself I know how protective you can get over them. But your brother has a part in this problem - he doesn't want to talk to your mum so even if she invited him
it sounds like he wouldn't go. By making this choice, which he has every right to do, he has also chosen to have no one to see on Christmas Day.

My dd has not got a place here at the moment, complicated story. He was living with a friend recently. So that is not an option...

windandprayer - I agree that my brother has made this choice as well. But still feel very upset for him. The reason why my mum and brother fell out was mostly my mums fault, but still think he should make up with her. I said he does not have to be close to her but atleast be ok with her...

The other thing is if I tell my mum I am not spending xmas with her she will ask why. Then I will have to tell her my brother has no one to spend the day with and she will start asking lots of questions. I hate being stuck in the middle, and I have enough issues of my own to think aboout like dd's dad not being around or seeing her for xmas...

But I do think the only way is to go out for dinner with my brother...

sorry meant to say my dad has not got a place here...

spend dinner with him

go home for a bit

drop dd with your mum

go out with brother to pub

hey thats a great idea, I never thought of that one .... I think the pub is a great idea as dont want him to spend the whole evening alone....

What time are the pubs open untill on xmas day? As wouldnt want to leave dd too early as I want to spend the day with her...

I think having dinner with him would break the day up for him and he would probably really appreciate it. Even if its just for a couple of hours then thats time he wont be spending alone so well worth doing.

How about getting him some nice foodie treats for when he goes home in the evening, like a little food package?

so xmas morning you , dd and grandma and her boyfriend do the santa thing all morning

arrange to get bro at 2pm for meal - finish meal at 4pm go home

go back out at 7pm to pub til 12am.

if you don't have a lot to talk about or it gets stagnant = find a pub with a pool table

even if you can't play - perhaps he can - and then you can talk about how shit you are and how you missed the really easy shot etc - rather than get deeply into family fued depressive convo territory

id do a ring around the pubs now to see whats open and if its admission by ticket only - as some are

The food treats sounds like a very sweet idea but he is very overweight so I dont want him to be at home bored eating all day... But might give him a few lil treats...

I'm sure we will find things to talk about, we get on really well even tho there is about 6years age gap between us... We spent last xmas away on holiday and managed to get along well for the whole 10days...

So I'm feeling much more positive about it all now, and looking forward to going to the pub in the evening... But the only problem is I will have to tell my mum and she will ask loads of annoying questions...

I've started looking for somewhere to book for xmas dinner and most places are booked up.

I also told my mum that I will not be having dinner with her, and explained the situation to her. And she just started moaning about the rest of the family for not thinking about my brother around xmas time.

And moaning at me because she wanted to book in somewhere to have dinner but I wanted to have dinner at home, and now she wont be able to book anywhere as its late notice. And she is not happy about cooking xmas dinner for just 2 people.

So I'm trying to do the best thing and once again I getblamed for things that are not my fault....

Well, i think you should bash their fecking heads together - dont know what has past, but the thought of people not talking to each other on xmas day is heartbreaking, especially as one will be alone.

how does your brother feel about it? Does he mind being alone??

tell your mum she gets to have a lovely xmas dinner with her partner and that you will go to her boxind day for dinner and cook it yourself if she feels put out. Still do santa stuff in the morning with DD as it would be a shame for her to miss it.

families huh - mad!

100% agree about having christmas with your brother.

Families are very strange things!

As I say they have not spoke for 3 years and my mum would like to speak to my brother but is being very stubborn...

He said he will be fine to spend xmas day alone and does not want me to spend all that money on taking him out for xmas dinner, as he will not have any money. But I met up with him yesterday and could see that he was glad that someone gave a shit about what he does for xmas. Even tho he would not admit it... I will defintly be with my brother as would not be able to enjoy my lovely xmas dinner knowing he is sitting alone without xmas dinner...

namechanger555 It's a shame your mum couldn't bring herself to embrace the true meaning of Christmas, by calling a truce and inviting her young son round on Xmas Day.

I noticed that you say your mum is stubborn, and I appreciate we can all be stubborn, but your brother is so young, and I have heard too many people lamenting about their lost chance to call a truce when it is far too late.

This thread has made me really sad. I have an 18 yr old son, and we have had some furious arguments before, but Christmas is a time for family and goodwill to all men, and coming together, being a part of something.

Your mum should set the example imo, before it is too late to repair the damage.
What is your mum trying to prove by keeping this up? How long is it going to go on for?

Seems very unfair on you too, to be trying to keep the peace on both sides.

I'm sorry to be so blunt.

I wish you a great christmas, and I hope your brother has a lovely christmas too.

sparklefrog - sorry for the confusion, but it is my brother who is being stubborn. My mum would love him to join us for xmas day. But he will not do it atall...

I will be spending xmas day with him and am quite looking forward to it now...