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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

another rant about my parents

28 replies

TheArmadillo · 18/12/2009 20:08

my mother has managed to infuriate me again.

I have no contact with my parents atm.

My mum has sent a xmas card and told me she will be coming round on monday to drop off presents (or we can meet her elsewhere apparently ).

It has come late so I cannot write to her back which means resorting to phoning (which I really don't want to do) or emailing and hoping they read it.

I do not want to see them at all. I cannot cope with them. This means we need to be out the house all monday. We have very little money and it is too cold to hang about in park. I have to stay in area as have midwife appt in the middle of the day.

I wasn't expecting presents and I don't really want them.

Why does she have to do this?

OP posts:

dinoroar · 18/12/2009 20:13

I don't know your history, but if it's really bad, just pin a note to the front door saying you have gone out and to please leave presents with neighbour.

Is it possible that you could stay in your house, but look as though you are not in, ie no lights on in front of house, perhaps upstairs curtains drawn so that you can go up there without being seen?

Original poster

TheArmadillo · 18/12/2009 20:24

I did think about staying in and pretending we are out but unfortunately ds is noisy and they are likely to walk round the house peering in all the windows and ds will run down to see who is at the door or if we stop him will be confused and get noisy. I don't want to explain to him the whys and wherefores.

No close neighbours to ask.

I'll try sending them email tonight and saying we'll leave the porch unlocked.

Unfortunately my mother is incrediably paranoid about security and may refuse to leave them anywhere. We also have a lodger and I don't really want him being pestered by them. Also there is the chance of him forgetting and going out an dlocking door. So i've got to talk to him again about this all.

why couldn't they just post the damn things if they were that keen.

I expect my mum's thinking that she'll come in for a cup of tea and everything shall be happy and christmassy

We'll take ds to softplay up teh road or summat. It just pisses me off that have to waste money on it.

OP posts:

Original poster

TheArmadillo · 18/12/2009 20:25

Sorry I should have said thanks for the reply

OP posts:

verytellytubby · 18/12/2009 20:35

What a nightmare. I don't know your history.

Soft play sounds like a good plan.

SleighGirl · 18/12/2009 20:38

pin a note to the door "saying F-off you are NOT welcome"???

You could post her a letter special delivery tomorrow?

Have you got any friends/family that live close to her that would put a note through her door telling her that she is not welcome to call by at all?

Original poster

TheArmadillo · 18/12/2009 20:59

LIking the note idea but too cowardly.

Am worried special delivery might be held up with christmas deliveries.

The other thing I could do I suppose is just not contact her back and go out on monday and leave her to do what the hell she likes?

No friends/family close by unfortunately (or fortunately for them).

OP posts:

SleighGirl · 18/12/2009 21:00

I'm tempted to say do not contact her because otherwise you've reacted to them and given them what they want?

TBH I'd go with a note on the door (minus swearing) and go out for the day. Library, park, coffee, park, soft play, window shopping etc

Original poster

TheArmadillo · 18/12/2009 21:05

yeah that's what annoying me most I think - the forcing contact thing.

Think you're right, go out and leave a note on door.

Ta muchly.

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SleighGirl · 18/12/2009 21:07

deep breathes deep breathes.

Have you got a local santa grotto that ds can spend hours looking at?

butterscotch · 18/12/2009 21:08

Pretend you didn't get the card and note unless it was special delivery?

Original poster

TheArmadillo · 18/12/2009 21:09

no but I'm sure he'll enjoy softplay and there's the library I suppose when he gets bored.

OP posts:

Original poster

TheArmadillo · 18/12/2009 21:11

that's a good one but might lead to phone calls.

Will stick a note up and bugger off I think.

Of course they give no indication of time

OP posts:

Avendesora · 19/12/2009 09:50

Greet her at the door with your coat on, quick thanks and your off out waving goodbye.

At least then you wont have to be out all day.

Good luck.

DaisymooSteiner · 19/12/2009 10:31

Put a note on your door saying 'sorry, we didn't get your card so have gone out for the day.'

clam · 19/12/2009 10:37

My first thought is that it seems a bit rude not to receive presents graciously by welcoming them inside, rather than a terse note saying "leave your gifts here."

But as there is so obviously much more to this state of affairs than meets the eye, it's hard to say.

Think Avendesora's plan is the best.

lilyjen · 19/12/2009 10:52

Don't be a chicken, call and say how you feel and be honest.

mrsboogiefairylights · 19/12/2009 11:09

If you leave a note on the door saying you have gone out you will be advertising to any passing burglars that there is no -one in!

Janos · 19/12/2009 14:54

I remember your other threads Armadillo.

I agree it's not a good idea to advertise that you are out the house!

You know..sending a letter really wouldn't be cowardly. Special Delivery is guaranteed. They'll get it. You are perfectly within your rights, given all they have done to say "You are not welcome at my home. I do not want any presents. Do not contact me".

I realise saying it and doing it are an entirely different matter.

They are doing this on purpose and as per usual are showing absolutely no respect for you. That's not your fault at all - they are nasty people.

You shouldn't have to go out, but it may be the best option. But then they could hang around until you get back, couldn't they?

Lots of sympathy for you here.

Janos · 19/12/2009 14:55

lilyjen, not wanting to speak to an abusive parent is not "chicken".

It's easy for of all of us to say this but a lot harder to do when you are in the middle of it all.

Original poster

TheArmadillo · 19/12/2009 15:01

I think I am going to send them an email and go out. I have a gift for my sister that I will leave for them.

I would love to leave the house locked up and say 'oh we didn't get your card' but suspect they would hang around till we got back.

I don't want their presents. But I suspect they are determined to give them (for ds probably) and if I refuse to engage they will harass me until I give in. If I give them an option to leave them somewhere they might do that and leave us alone.

At least lodger is going to be out all day as well so they won't be harassing him.

Daisymoo's suggestion is brilliant though.

Lilyjen I have tried that approach before. It doesn't work. Hence no contact.

OP posts:

Janos · 19/12/2009 15:08

G0d they are horrible Armadillo!

You know them best so your instincts are probably right. Good luck with it all. And keep remembering they are the ones in the wrong!

SleighGirl · 19/12/2009 15:17

TheArmadillo is there anyone else they could leave the gifts with for you to collect at another time?

In the email I think you need to reitterate they are not welcome to contact you at all.

Your parents drive me mad on your behalf!

Original poster

TheArmadillo · 19/12/2009 15:20

There is no one I have contact with who has contact with them. (sleighgirl are you cargirl under christmas name?)

I'm surprised they've been this good with not phoning etc so far.

OP posts:

SleighGirl · 19/12/2009 15:31

Yes Armadillo my Christmas name!!!

I'm grumpy so am back to leaving a note on the door saying "F-off" drawing the curtains and locking the doors.

Original poster

TheArmadillo · 19/12/2009 16:01

I have just sent brief email. Hopefully they will accept that.

WIsh I was telling them to fuck off and shutting curtains. Not fair on ds though.

OP posts:

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