Hi Dejags
No, no apology and more damaging to me - no reasons offered up other than to state that anything that did happen was my fault - not that anything did happen! (Make sense of that one if you can, I've given up )
From a young age I heard a lot of "You need help, go to a counsellor" 's. Not put forward in a positive way of course, more as an out an out put down. (For "You need help, go to a counsellor" read "you are absolutely barking mad, you trouble making little b**ch"). My original father had beaten my mum, pulled me out of bed to watch him kill her (well, so he'd said, as he dragged me down the stairs at the grand old age of 5.)
So, she couldn't face the thought that things weren't working out once again, she'd rather blame me, my step father quite happily followed her lead (unsurprisingly!).
Coincidentally, eventually going for psychotherapy as an adult led me to make the decision to break all contact with them, not just because of what they did, but what they continued to do - I had to make the decision not to let them.
Making the decision to break contact with them led to problems with my siblings, I knew at the time that taking this step would test our relationships to their limit.
My sister and I (she's 5 years younger) are still working hard on our relationship, she cut contact with my parents about a year and a half after I did. I told her the worst of my past about 6 months before she broke contact with them. The time had never been right before, she hadn't witnessed a lot of what happened and I needed her to ask me to tell her.
If I had told her about it, or tried to talk at length with her about our parents/childhood before this time, she would have undoubtedly believed what she had been conditioned to believe.
My brother and I have real trouble. I have had him effing and blinding down the phone to me on a number of occasions in the past (I always hung up when he did this, eventually he stopped) but I don't bear bad feeling towards him for it. He is just as hurt and confused as I once was. I learnt through my experience with my sister that there will be a time that he comes to me, that time will be when he is ready to listen to what I have to say, but until that time, we wont discuss our past or my decision as it would most probably be far too raw for him, feelings which he would see me^ as responsible for and it would therefore be the end of our relationship.
I really do feel for you, but I can honestly say that things really do get better. Throughout psychotherapy, I realised that the only part of me that was preventing me from getting rid of my parents was my inner child. That was the part of me that still, on occasion cried itself to sleep at night, the part of me that needed her mummy. The mother I was looking for however, was long gone. Yes, my mother and myself actually got on, on the surface. We could flounce around in the happy family parody we had each done our bit to create, laughing at each others jokes until the tears rolled down our faces. All the time the thought spinning around my mind "Why did you let him do this to me?" all the time, her eyes replying - "rather you than me".
I couldn't live like that, perpetuating their lie.
I don't hurt anymore, I'm not confused. I'm sure, certain that one day the same will go for you. Initially, I found it a whirlwind of emotion, changes of perspectives were hitting me hard and fast - I really couldn't grasp where I was with this at any given time! But, things do start to make sense, give yourself time look forward to liberation.
Thinking of you xx