Erectile dysfunction - doctors being useless, so what can be done?

[Scrumplet]

I am single, but for a few months have been seeing a friend of friends, casually, for a bit of bedroom fun and companionship when DS is with his dad.

After a few get-togethers, it became apparent that he has difficulty sustaining an erection. I have been (I think/hope) understanding and sensitive about this, told him it doesn't bother me (which it doesn't really, since I know this isn't forever, and he's superb bedroom company in other ways), and he has gradually opened up about it more and more.

He is 29. He has had this problem on and off, sometimes on his own too, since his late teens - less so when he's had a few drinks. He suspects it's more psychological than physical, though isn't entirely sure.

In the time we have been seeing each other, he has been to see his doctor about it, who organised for him to have some relevant blood tests, which have all come back normal. While waiting for the results, his doctor prescribed him Viagra, which made very little difference. He returned to the doctor today to find out what other treatment options there may be, and his doctor said there's nothing he can do. He said there is no psychosexual counselling available, and my friend had to insist he be referred to a specialist to consider possible nerve damage - the GP didn't think this was relevant.

So my friend, who's still young and understandably feels he should be enjoying a full sex life at his age, is feeling defeated.

I care about him, and hope he's able to sort this out so he can enjoy future relationships. Any ideas for what else he can do about this?

Anyone?

Hi Scrumplet

Is there something about his manhood that would make him very self-conscious? Small, looks a bit different? If he can maintain sometimes and more so when he's had a few then it does sound to be in the mind. Is he inexperienced, nervous perhaps?

Maybe he's been ridiculed by a past lover or he could be comparing himself to porn size and feel inadequate?

Thanks, RantApplause. Hmm. There's nothing that should make him very self-conscious. He's not massive, but not tiny. Doesn't look odd. Not inexperienced either - has had many more sexual partners than me, and really knows what he's doing in other ways IYSWIM.

He has been hurt by a past lover, yes. Twice, I think. One was unfaithful when he was quite young, and another has since been unsympathetic about this particular problem. It does seem more psychological than anything. Unfortunately, it's had most of his twenties to become entrenched. Shame he can't be referred for counselling on the NHS; he's a student, so going private won't be an option for some time.

has he got diabetes or depression

No diabetes, alypaly. He's been tested in the past, and again recently. Nor depression - pretty cheerful soul, really.

If he's a student his college/uni will have counsellors for free - usually about 12 sessions or so.

Does he still wake with an erection? If so that would suggest it's psychological rather than a circulatory/nerve problem. I would have thought his doctor would have asked him when he first went to see him.

I'm surprised his doctor hasn't suggested a penis pump and erection ring, I've also read that a vibrator is good at "coaxing" a penis into life - something like a doughnut style ring that is quite sturdy will help enormously as it traps the blood and will stop "droopage", a vibrating ring ( not the cheapie durex ones) with a decent thickness and a bullet vibe attached could help too.
He needs something physical to keep the blood trapped.

Anything that will help his circulation is a good idea too, so ginseng + gingko and pomegrante juice/supplements will boost his micro circulation.

Thanks for helpful posts. I've forwarded the student/counselling info to him, and your tips, Malificence. Heffthelump, he wakes with an erection sometimes, and not at others; it's intermittent. His doctor has been useless.

www.my-tenring.com/

This is a medical device rather than a sex toy.

CBT is a type of therapy often used for erectile dysfunction.
www.babcp.com/about-cbt/sexual-dysfunction/

The NHS are pushing out CBT therapists all over the country. He should ask for a referral, the waiting list may be long but the GP shouldn't be able to refuse him access to a short course at least.

As for going privately, perhaps he could afford a short course if he saved up for it?

there is a treatment called caverject but it looks a bit painful