I think I am going to sound like I am being petty and weird here, but my FIL is staying until Tuesday (from last Thursday) and I feel like I am no longer welcome in my own home.
A bit of background. FIL and MIL are divorced, since before we were married 15 years ago. FIL has always, according to dh, done things on his own terms - never did anything with the family, spent his entire weekends with his hobby not his family (like being away from Friday to Sunday almost every weekend), is the most passive person I have ever met, incredibly fatalistic and makes no effort with relationships whatsoever.
His relationship with his other son, my BIL, has already broken down irretrivably because he makes no effort: no birthday cards, Christmas presents at least 3 months late, we never know where he is, what he is doing, and he is going to be one of these men who ends up dying alone, because we never know if he's not answering the phone because he is dead or ill or on holiday, or away (now for weeks at a time, since his retirement, with his hobby). We get an occasional postcard but he has this habit which I find annoying and he no doubt thinks is quirky, of never sending a postcard from where he actually is.
He has remarried and that marriage has now broken down too, and he is seeing someone else but still wearing his wedding ring with no plans to divorce : up to him.
Anyway, he is here cos he got in touch by email last month to say he had booked his plane tickets and was turning up on Thurs 10th. Didn't ask if it was ok, just announced it. As dh hadn't seen his Dad for 2 years (!) he was pleased about this so I gritted my teeth to make dh happy. So he turns up, just says "I'm here", no hello, how are you, nice to see you, anything. Comes in, dumps his case, puts on his slippers, asks for a coffee and starts to read the newspaper!!!
He will sit for 2-3 hours with a nose in a book ignoring everyone, including his 3 grandchildren, then start on some rambling story about himself, or his (very) bizzare opinions, then suddenly pull out about 300 photos of some exceptionally expensive foreign holiday he was just on then never even mention the fact that dd2 just had her birthday and he never even sent a card, let alone got her a present. He makes himself a coffee and never asks if anyone else wants one (for some reason, this drives me practically insane), never asks about things, never plays with the kids, wont tell a story or do a jigsaw or come out for a walk. he just sits and reads the paper (and to make it worse, its the mail).
I feel like I can't walk through my own lounge without this silent, opressive, self absorbed presence there. He has no manners, never says thankyou, never lifts a finger to clear a plate or wash a dish.
I don't want my guests helping all the time, but surely Grandparents are there to spend time with the children - he just ignores them. I would never stay without clearing the table, offering to make everyone a cuppa. Dh tolerates it as that is what his Dad has always been like though he is more extreme than he used to be, but as I grew up with a vibrant, involved, interested Dad, who is now the same as a Grandpa, I find this all very bewildering.
Its not helping that I'm just coming out of a bad 'blip' with my depression.
I know its just 5 nights, but it is really taking its toll on me, and the kids. Dd1, (9), has asked why Grandad came to see us as he isn't listening to her!