how do I tell DP he need to lose weight without him getting paranoid??

[whatdoIsay]

have changed name for this.

DP has, over the last 4 years, put on about 3 stone and it has got to the point where it doesn't look very attractive. i still love him but probably fancy him a bit less. Question is how do I tell him without making him paranoid?

I don't mean to sound shallow BTW, I know looks aren't everything and I'm not about to leave him or anything but I just wish he could lose a couple of stone.

the thing is though that I know it makes him feel bad (his weight I mean). he has less confidence because of it and is always a bit fed up that lots of his clothes don't fit.

think you've probably hit the nail on the head sobernow. I just don't think he could hear it from me without feeling threatened. But he's not a very self motivated person so I couldn't see him doing it on his own.

Do you think he actually wants to lose weight?

Because if he doesn't, you can't force it.

yes I do. in fact I know he does.

Clutching at straws now for suggestions....take some photos of dh and leave them around. It has always been 'fat' photos of me that have previously inspired me to diet

Well I could also have started this thread. Dh has never been skinny, he has a large (but not tall!) frame. But he has put on a load more weight since we first met. He used to exercise a lot (ran marathons, etc.) but this still did not help him slim down. Since he gave this up he has got even worse. He has a big appetite and although I cook healthy stuff (mostly) I can't control what he eats at work. He doesn't over indulge in beer but has a sweet tooth. I suspect he may have an under-active thyroid as this condition runs in his family. He does know he should control his weight - he has reasons to because of his medical history. I am also loath to broach the subject because things have not been 100% between us lately and I don't want to hurt his feelings. It doesn't help that I have lost weight myself recently without really trying - I probably eat as much as him in the evening.

I know that I would react badly if my dp suggested I lose weight (have had exes who have and it just annoys me and makes me less likely to try tbh!). I feel strongly that like other things (giving up smoking, drinking etc) it has to come from the person. Doing it for someone else doesn't work. The only time I've lost weight it's been because I wanted to and not for ex bfs!

It was in the paper yesterday that people who stay the same weight or increase a bit live longer than those who diet etc!! Maybe because they are happier and less stressed or because you lose healthy tissue too when you diet so maybe he's healthy enough (don't think that applies if you are obese or have diabetes etc though!)?

Say "bet you can't catch me you fat git", then when he runs out of puff chasing you round the house, hand him a gym membership form.