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Relationships

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Why did you get married?

42 replies

charliecat · 27/06/2005 10:49

I hope you dont think thats daft question, im not married and wondered what made people do it.

OP posts:
womba1 · 27/06/2005 12:31

whoops.. that should have said live together... although love together is pretty apt too!!

tex111 · 27/06/2005 12:41

For immigration! DH is English and I'm American and we got married very quickly because we knew we wanted to be together and getting married was the easiest way to accomplish that goal. I think we would've eventually married because we're fairly traditional and like the symbolism of marriage and all that goes with it (wedding rings, sharing the same name, etc) but, without the immigration issues, it would've been much later when we decided to have children. DS was born after our tenth wedding anniversary!

outofmydeppth · 27/06/2005 14:00

Absolutely no idea.

Niddlynono · 27/06/2005 14:04

Because we were in love, we both believed in marriage, we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together and we wanted to be married before starting a family.
It was such a magical, fun and emotional day and one we, and many of our guests, will remember for years to come.

KBear · 27/06/2005 14:14

I got married because I loved him - simple as that. Still do. I had no doubts, not one. I knew from the moment we kissed as the sun went down on the Cornish beach we were sitting on that I would marry him. Funny innit. The 800 other boyfriends never had that affect on me!

Ellbell · 27/06/2005 20:18

OK, this is going to sound bad, but we got married because I was pregnant and we realised how few rights unmarried dads have over their children.

Neither of us was really 'into' the idea of marriage - dh because he just isn't, me because I'd been married before and it hadn't worked out - but we decided to do it in this very 'calculated' way, simply in order to give dh some legal rights over his children. We'd been together 9 years when we got married and have now been married for nearly 6 years.

Having said that, shortly after we decided to get married and set a date only about 6 weeks later (very small register office do), I lost the baby. I was quite prepared for dh to call the whole thing off, and maybe get married later if/when I got pregnant again (he was the more reluctant of the two of us to go down the marriage route and I knew - or thought I knew - that he was only doing it for the baby). But he insisted that, if anything, it was more important for us to get married after the miscarriage as a way of showing that the baby had been important, but that our love didn't depend solely on the baby. Don't know if that makes sense, but I was very touched (he's not the romantic type...).

I just wanted to tell that story as a way of showing that marriage can be decided on in a very 'cold' business-like way, but can still be a sign of enduring love.

Oh, and I still don't have the same surname as my dh. I went back to my maiden name after my divorce and was not about to change it again! My dds have my surname as a middle name.

(I got pregnant again within days/weeks of the wedding, btw!)

Somanykiddies · 27/06/2005 20:24

I got married for love, years later found out he married me 'because it looks better on a CV'! Would it surprise you to know I am now divorced from him!

paolosgirl · 27/06/2005 20:25

Cos I love(d) him! For both of us, marriage was about making the ultimate commitment to each other - and because if he'd said he loved me but didn't want to marry me, I'd have been hurt and furious!
We knew also that it was the framework (if that's the right word) that we wanted to bring up kids in.

nutcracker · 27/06/2005 20:27

I am not married but tbh I secretly wish that I had done things 'properly', ie marriage then kids etc.

But then again I am glad I never married dp.

Sorry, what a load of waffle that was.

acnebride · 27/06/2005 20:32

dunno nutcracker, makes perfect sense to me.

like happyhuggy i wanted a full-on wedding and all the attention, but I was 20 years older than her [immature icon]

i think relationships are tough and if it's sometimes only the legal tie that slows you down as you pack your bags, well, whatever it takes to slow you down is good.

dh was very very keen to get married and had proposed to two gfs before me.

sounds like a disaster doesn't it! it's not though.

aloha · 27/06/2005 20:37

Because I loved him and wanted to be joined up with him in a way that meant something to me in a way I find hard to articulate. I wanted to be his wife and for him to be my husband, for our relationship to be seen to be as different to that of my previous relationships as it undoubtedly was, and for us to have a family name. It was a big emotional want in me from very soon after we met. I really like being married.
And of course, it's my choice and is therefore not superior to anyone else's choice!

aloha · 27/06/2005 20:37

And it does make things easier legally speaking.

kama · 27/06/2005 20:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

dejags · 27/06/2005 20:40

Because I love my DH and we wanted to. We married young and it's been up and down but certainly no regrets.

edam · 27/06/2005 20:42

I was very anti-marriage when I met dh, and when we moved in together, having seen my parents' divorce (and being a feminist and all that). Then after a couple of years living with dh suddenly realised that I wanted to be married to him! Shocked myself there. But I really did want to make a life-long, public committment to him and tell the world how much I loved him and that I hoped I always would (and vice versa). Realised that it was daft not getting married 'because you never know what will happen in five/ten years' time' when we'd got a 25 year mortgage.

Magscat · 27/06/2005 20:50

Charliecat - I haven't read all the thread so sorry if this has come up before - I'm not married to dp but we've been planning to since I found out that he's not entitled to a single penny of my pension (I'm the breadwinner) unless we are married.

It's crazy. We can make legal arrangements so that he has equal rights over our kids but can't do a thing to allow him access to my pension. So if I get knocked down by a bus tomorrow he & our 2 kids are financially stuffed. So that's why we;re planning to marry. How romantic

Cam · 27/06/2005 21:15

Magscat, that's a pretty good reason to get married - its for your children.

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