Better sex after age 40?

[RedLeaves]

Hi, I"ve been on mumsnet for about eight years but this is my second name.

I wonder if people can shed some light on the fact that for me, sex has definitely become better over the last couple of years.

I'm with the same dh and things are as good as things can be after three dcs. The birth of our youngest was my first vaginal birth so I don't know if that has altered something physically?

DH reckons it's because we are closer, trust each other more and more as time goes on. I don't want to be unromantic but I don't think that's it!

Have other people experienced this? It's great and it makes up for the grey hairs etc but I keep wondering WHY? TIA

I'm 47 and my DH is 50, we've been married 25 years and have grown-up offspring, both vaginally delivered (though some time ago now lol!) I think sex gets better because you're/we're more relaxed together, less worried about how we look, and generally more comfortable with each other.

So I suppose I agree with your DH!

Well, I have been with dh 20yrs. I am 36, 2 c section babies.

I would say over the last few months our sex life has gotten better.

We went thru some major stuff at the beginning of the year, which resulted in a lack of sex (mutually decided) until about August. Since then, we have really been able to open up with each other & communicate better.

I think it is trust & time, rather than age for us.

I'm sure I read in cosmo that women reach their sexual peak in their 40's whereas men reach theirs in their 20's

So many that's why? You are peaking!

Hmm, when I was young (obviously, a looong time ago ) men reached their sexual peak at 18, and women in their early 30's. (Also read in Cosmo, but in the 1970's) I wonder if sexuality is related to culture? (and answer myself with the words, "Almost certainly.")

What is sex?

I am 45

Yes, yes, YES!!!!

Better at age 43 than ever, and it's still improving. For me, it's also better during the months I don't ovulate, I'm far more easily aroused and far more physically responsive and I feel it's directly connected.
Even two years ago, I wouldn't have wanted sex every day, my hubby regularly has to fend me off with a stick nowadays !

By my own admission, our sex life was pretty crap in my 30's, mainly due to raging pmt and heavy bleeding for one week out of three.
We are definitely making up for it now and the fact that I've lost a stone and a half is a big bonus too.

well, since I was about 35 (I am now 43) my libido has grown and grown

I think it is nature's way...a last attempt before menopause to get you to have babies

I have more and better sex than I did 20 yrs ago, seriously

it is natural

relax, and enjoy it

watch the contraception though

arrrrgh. I'm 37 and seem to be getting worse and worse in libido terms (as in UP!!)

I actually hope to god it starts going down soonish but from what you're posting it doesn't sound like it.

I'm single but get obsessive urges for random sex these days (well any sex really, but random is all I can get!!) which are not good things to act on

ag, go for it

you are a long time dead

Glad to hear I'm not alone! Took me by surprise when this started happening.

Malificence how do you know when you are not ovulating? For me my hormones make me want to have sex just mid-cycle, presumably to get pregnant so that sound different to you.

Apart from Anyfucker's thought that it is nature's last attempt to get you pregnant before the menopause, I don't hear many other thoughts about WHY. The idea that we are happier with our bodies etc certainly isn't true for me give me back my 20s body any day.

I know when I'm not ovulating because I don't get the ovulation symptoms and I don't get sore breasts, I've always had ovulating pains/spotting, certainly since my 20's.
I just feel better when I haven't ovulated for some reason, no sore boobs for a fortnight for one thing and less hormonally affected, plus more consistent libido . I used to get the most awful pmt and that has 99% gone, thankfully.
I'm a couple of stones lighter than in my 30's too and a size 16 rather than the size 20 at my biggest - my husband didn't fancy me any less when I was bigger, but he fancies me even more now and I am much more confident.

I too "peak" in "interest" in sex mid-cycle

I think am still ovulating every month though, so a bit concerned when I do stop I will start to lose interest....

I'm even more interested when I don't ovulate AF - there is no "slump" in libido that comes afterwards, mine actually builds up until I come on. The couple of days before I do come on are the most pleasureable, sex wise because I get very sensitive and my body goes into orgasm overdrive.
This year I seem to be ovulating every other month, it's been wonderful not to have boobs so sore that I can't lie on my back.
It's actually made me feel positive about the menopause.

I would agree that once I turned 40(am now 42)that my libido increased and it was definately more enjoyable. Needless to say my DP loves it ......not sure why though maybe because I am more confident in myself perhaps.

It is definitely a confidence and trust thing.nothing to prove or lose now and a lot more time as teenagers are often out!

ugh, am dreading the menopause

I somehow lost my selfconsciousness around 40 too

I dunno how/why, I just did

I do things now I would never have considered in my 20's and feel better about my body than ever ('cos I have discovered how it can do such nice tricks ...)

I am glad that it's going to get even better post 40! I'm late 30s and the last few years sex has got better and better. Been with dh for several years and am sure that it's a mixture of us knowing each other so well, having had the amazing shared experiences of children etc as well as me finding that after 35 I had a much more self confident attitude and became much more comfortable in my own skin, and with myself as a sexual being which I think helped both my and my dh's libido!

With all this going on, can your OH keep up?

Yep, I've only got my libido now at aged 37. Up til about 35 I wasn't really fussed about it. Now I have much longer and more intense orgasms.

And I have a much younger dh so thankfully he still wants it plenty.

Just about!

He's excelled himself over the weekend, I have to say, I knew that ginseng was good and me force feeding it to him for the past few months seems to have worked brilliantly.
I bet he wonders why I keep buying big bags of nuts as well.

I agree it gets better when you're a bit older. Not sure how much age has to do with it in my case, as circumstances and the state of my relationship with DH. But I can report that after 25 years, sex with my DH is bloody amazing - and yes, my orgasms seem to last forever now, they are so intense.

If it's an age thing, maybe it's nature's way of giving us all a reward for all those sleep-deprived years when sex was lower down the list of priorities.

I do find I worry less then in my younger days about my appearance (isn't it madness that we worried more when in fact, we looked pretty glorious?) but we've built up trust in eachother to share our fantasies and have fun in a safe environment. I know there's nothing I could ask for that he wouldn't consider - and I'm the same with him.

What I've really learned though is that for me, my mind is my biggest erogenous zone. Since DH and I started communicating again properly and with honesty, it's been like a switch.

I find great sex such a mood enhancer - I'm less irritable, more chilled and generally, far happier with my lot.

< imagines wwifn walking around with big cheesy grin plastered on her face >