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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

how do I help DH/ do I need to?

1 reply

GirlWiththeMouseyHair · 11/12/2009 23:22

My DH is a wonderful sensitive generous man but has the tendency to not be very bothered and not make a huge effort with friends. I think it's partly laziness partly a real sense of no enough self-worth having been bullied at school, been a bit of a geek and had supposedly close friends shit on him in the past (his best man pulled out a month before our wedding).

He makes friends easily once he gets over his shyness but just doesn't put the effort into keeping them. All our friends are or originally were my friends. I try to encourage him to meet up with so and so, take him to our get togethers with my local mums - I guess it's seeing their husbands in the same situation but much more socially confident that makes me worry for my DH. Whenever we have get togethers, he becomes a truly doting daddy, I know he's hiding behind DS.

I'd leave well alone but I know it does upset him that he doesn't get texts/phonecalls/fb messages etc but I also know that's down to him not making an effort back.

What can I do to drag him out of this social downward spiral, or shall I leave him alone and not expect him to be like me, desperate to constantly be surrounded by friends?!

OP posts:
RunJHC · 12/12/2009 06:42

Hi my DH is similar - fine once he starts chatting to people, and brilliant/funny when we meet up with people together, even says he'll meet up with someone for a drink and then never gets round to organising it. Then every now and then complains that he has none of his own friends and that I organise our social life!

Not sure what advice I can give. We do have some friends who just get in touch with him and force him to go out for a boys' drink so that's good. I recently bought him Tate membership for his birthday (he works by Tate Modern) - one of reasons being that they have a very nice members' room and I'm hoping that he will use it to meet friends for a drink. Hasn't done it yet but here's hoping...

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